


Unending

by Jackxter



Category: Creepypasta - Fandom, Cthulhu Mythos - H. P. Lovecraft, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Gravity Falls, Half-Life, Hey Arnold!, SCP Foundation, Stargate SG-1, Torchwood, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Character Transplant, Comedy, Crossover, Long, Multi, Multiple Crossovers, Multiple Universes Colliding, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route - "I want to stay with you."
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2019-11-24 05:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18161957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackxter/pseuds/Jackxter
Summary: Frisk and her new monster family have left the Underground, only to be confined to the area around Mt. Ebbot by a number of strange, secret military organizations. Led by a mysterious yet ruthless captain and a colonel caught between his orders and his conscience, this coalition is working to put the monsters back underground. Unfortunately for them, their efforts to keep the monsters a secret weren't a complete success, as a small group of teenagers happened to be at the right place at the right time. Fearing the monsters may be mistreated, they've assembled a group of unlikely heroes to come to the rescue.Meanwhile, enigmatic eyes observe the bigger picture - a picture growing increasingly dreadful by the day.





	1. Breakout

In a corridor of blinding light, two figures stood: a young monster and a young human, the former glowing from the power that swirled inside him. His gaze was focused, his mind set. It was time for one story to end and another to begin.

“But first, there’s something I have to do,” the young monster, Asriel, spoke. “Right now, I can feel everyone’s hearts beating as one. They’re all burning with the same desire.” He narrowed his eyes. “With everyone’s power, with everyone’s determination, it’s time for monsters to go free!”

In a dramatic motion, the young monster held his hands towards the sky, preparing to channel the raw power of all the souls within him. He expected it to hit him like a bolt of lightning, but instead… nothing came.

Asriel paused, his tearful eyes widening. Frisk was no longer standing in front of him. It was as if he had simply blinked out of existence. But it wasn’t just him; _everything_ was gone, leaving him standing in a void darker than the darkest cracks of the Underground.

“W-What? What happened?” he stammered. “Frisk?”

He spun about, his eyes scanning the void _._ He opened his mouth as if he were about to say something…

And that’s when he heard it. It was close to a rumble, like the deep groans of the Earth he was accustomed to living with, only distorted and crackled. It was if someone had taken one of the VHS tapes his father used to make and damaged them. It wasn’t natural, that was for sure; there was a pattern to it, like a spoken language, though none he had ever heard.

And it was everywhere.

“ _Asriel Dreemurr ..._ ”

Asriel gulped. “H-Hello?”

The voice grew louder and less distorted.

“ **Asriel Dreemurr!** **”**

Asriel shivered - the voice was piercing through him like a cold wind. He straightened his back, trying to summon his courage.

“Who’s there?!”

There was a pause - a second hung like a minute. That’s when he noticed it: a mist rolling in from nowhere, nipping at his ankles like the touch of a ghost. Slowly, but surely, it began to coalesce in front of him, taking the form of a strange, skeletal monster. It wasn’t for another moment before he noticed its strange, hole-punctured hands, its cracked skull, and its odd, ghoulish grin.

“Y-You!” Asriel gasped.

It nodded, its grin frozen on its face. Then, with a voice as smooth as silk but deep as thunder, it spoke. “So you _can_ see me, then?”

Asriel took a wary step back. “Yes…? Who are you? What is this place?”

He tilted his head back and forth. “Not that it would mean much, but you can call me Gaster. Sound familiar?”

“I-I don’t think so,” Asirel said. He then narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing the creature. “B-But I-I’ve… I’ve seen you before.”

“Have you now?” He mused.

Asriel curtly nodded. “Yes, all around the Underground, when I was in my…” He winced. “Other body.”

Gaster chuckled, bringing up one of his hole-punctured hands to his chin in a thinking pose. “Out of the corner of your eye?”

Asriel nodded in affirmation, his eyebrows still narrowed in confusion.

“Interesting. In that case, my apologies for the…” Gaster nodded his head back in forth. “Dramatic entrance. I figured it would take quite a bit to get even _your_ attention.”

Asriel blinked. “Why did you think I wouldn’t be able to--”

“Just a guess,” Gaster spoke, twirling a hand in a casual manner. “Well, an educated guess, I suppose. They were sort of my thing.”

Asriel squinted in confusion. “ _Were?_ I don’t underst--”

“No point in wasting time on an old ghost like me,” Gaster chuckled. “Let’s talk about you.” He leaned down, bringing himself to the shorter Asriel’s level. “What is it you’re trying to accomplish here?”

Asriel paused for a brief moment, than gulped, now gazing at Gaster with wary, but watery eyes. “I… I’m about make things right.”

“For what?” Gaster questioned. “What did _you_ do?”

“Y-You… you don’t want to know.”

“I already know what the flower did,” Gaster spoke, surprising Asriel. “But that wasn’t you, was it?”

“Wasn’t it?” Asriel said, closing his eyes. “I remember everything… the blood, the death, the… the…” He stifled a sob, before gazing morbidly back at Gaster. “If you know, you probably hate me.”

“Hate you?” Gaster tilted its head to the side. “I’m not here to judge you, child.” His voice was growing noticeably softer. “I’m here to help you.”

Asriel smiled tearfully. “R-Really?”

“Yes,” Gaster said, raising to his full height and patting the young monster on his head. He then turned away from Asriel, gazing off into the void. “I don’t have the time I used to, so let me get right to it.” He took a deep ‘breath’. “I’ve… felt things here. Things nobody would believe; the time and space of the multiverse twisting and overlapping, connecting past and present, here and there. There is magic flowing through it, flowing through every thread, through everything and everyone.” He turned back to Asriel. “And eventually, it all flows through here.”

Asriel squinted in thought. “As in …”

“Our-- Your home. The Underground,” Gaster continued, before he began to pace back and forth. “Though I can’t be certain, I do have reason to believe that it is one of the largest magical nexuses ever to exist. Perhaps it’s due to the nature of monsters, or perhaps it has something to do with the humans’ barrier. I don’t know.” He raised a finger. “But I do know one thing: it makes the Underground a ticking bomb. If the barrier were to be brought down, more magical energy will be released than in any other time in history. That _is_ what you’re planning to do, yes?”

Asriel nodded slowly. “How did you--”

“Another educated guess,” Gaster stated. “And in regards to that, let me be perfectly clear: you should reconsider.”

“What do you mean… reconsider?” Asriel asked warily.

If Gaster’s eyes could move, they’d be narrowing. “Do not drop the barrier.”

The young monster shook his head incredulously. “B-But… But why? Just because it’ll release a lot of magic?! Who cares!”

Gaster moved one of his hands in a calming gesture. “Let me explain--"

Asriel ignored him, continuing: “Everyone’s hopes and dreams are riding on that barrier going down! They’re riding on _me_ ! I can’t let them down - not after everything that’s happened. I _owe_ it to them! Who are you to--”

“Would you rather them have nothing over little?” Gaster asked bluntly, its question piercing Asriel like an arrow, who was quickly silenced. “Not thinking through the repercussions of your actions - that’s something I have a bit of experience with. I will not let you make the same mistake.”

He began twitching his fingers in seemingly random patterns - out of nowhere, a cloud of red mist conjured before him.

“A magic surge that powerful will not go unnoticed.”

Without warning, the cloud began to form into the shape of a strange, hunch-backed humanoid with jagged, elongated claws for fingers. Asriel gazed at it, unsettled, and the entity gazed back at him.

“There are things out there, terrible things, that will sense it …”

The cloud of mist twisted into another figure, a strange, one-eyed triangle. While Asriel saw it had no mouth, he could practically feel the creature grinning at him.

“- things that human and monster alike should be grateful are currently dormant.”

As he spoke, the mist continued to take various forms: a tall, faceless humanoid, a shape-shifting mass of jagged limbs, and finally... a strangely familiar face, though ones with eyes that could pierce a shadow.

Gaster took a deep breath, the mist vanishing. “And that’s just the start of the mess it could create. Space-time is already unstable thanks to... “ He gazed away from Asriel. “Recent events. I have good reason to believe that this will work as a catalyst to a resonance cascade - the breakdown of dimensional membranes.” He held two of his hands apart. “Realities that are separate …” He clasped them together. “Will become one.”

Asriel shook his head in confusion. “That… I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I don’t have time to explain the multiverse theory and all its various facets,” Gaster grumbled. “You’re just going to have to trust me.”

The young monster gave Gaster an incredulous look. “Even if I did trust you, you just said that you’re not even sure this will happen! You’re putting the future of humans and monsters on an ‘educated guess’!”

“This is _bigger_ than humans and monsters, young one,” Gaster exclaimed. “And I am 99% certain I am correct.”

“Even then, I still don’t get exactly what sort of bad things will happen,” Asriel exclaimed.

“Weren’t you paying attention?” Gaster mumbled, rubbing his skull for a head in annoyance. “You are just like another of my former students - no attention span, always with his head in the clouds. But that doesn’t matter - let me say it again: there are powerful forces both in the outside world and beyond, and they have nothing but ill will towards all that lives. If you drop the barrier, they will come for you - all of you - and _that_ could be the _least_ of your problems.”

“Then I say let them come,” Asriel’s said, his eyes narrowing in determination. “Don’t you know what’s been going on? Frisk and his friends have proven that if monsters and humans work together, there’s nothing they can’t beat!”

“There is no ‘beating’ the forces you’re about to engage with,” Gaster said firmly. “At times, all the effort in the world has tried, but the outcome is always the same. There are too many, and they are too relentless.”

Asriel gave a defiant smirk. “Then we’ll just have to try harder,” 

Gaster sighed. “There is no deterring you, it seems. You are as _stubborn_ as my former student as well.” He chuckled. “I told him you would need proof - that you wouldn’t listen without it, and I was correct.” He held up a hand. “But unfortunately, our social time is nearly at an end. However, before I go, on the very likely event you go through with this, I will echo my… partner’s words." He took a deep breath. "Prepare for unforeseen consequences.”

With a flash of light, the mysterious monster vanished, and Asriel blinked back into the real world, ready to complete his work. As the power of the souls within him pulsed like a beacon, the words of Gaster all but dissipated to the back of his mind.

…

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 **_OPERATOR_ ** _ONLINE - UNEXPECTED TERMINATION OF_ **_MAINTENANCE CYCLE #14,234_ ** _..._

 _UNKNOWN EXOTIC ENERGY SPIKE DETECTED BY SATELLITE_ **_F23-X …_ **

_CROSS-EXAMINING WITH KNOWN PROFILES …_

_…_

_NO MATCHES FOUND. INFERRING MULTI-DIMENSIONAL [?] IN NATURE - HIGH PROBABILITY OF ‘LURE’ PROPERTIES - HIGH PROBABILITY OF RESONANCE CASCADE TRIGGER. SITUATION UPGRADED TO_ **_DELTA-RED_ ** _..._

 _RECOMMEND IMMEDIATE DISPATCH OF NEARBY SYMPATHETIC ASSETS TO_ **_46.825° N 46.825° W_ ** _\- SEARCHING …_

 _CANDIDATES OBTAINED._ **_US SPECIAL OPERATIONS TEAM_ ** _IN AREA. ONE FORMER OPERATIVE DETECTED. BYPASSING NORMAL CONTACT PROTOCOLS AS PER_ **_DELTA-RED_ ** _DISCRETION. ASSETS ALERTED ..._

_…_

**_WARNING!_ **

_MULTIPLE HIGH DIMENSIONAL SPATIAL ANOMALIES DETECTED._ **_RESONANCE CASCADE_ ** _CONFIRMED IN PROGRESS ..._

_ANALYZING … ANALYZING …_

_CASCADE STABLE [?] - QUANTUM DEGRADATION UNLIKELY. CONSIDERING RECLASSIFYING FROM KETER TO EUCLID ..._

_…_

_NEW VARIABLES EMERGING … DATA PROCESSING CYCLE REQUIRED …_

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**_ERROR! FOREIGN ENTITY DETECTED WITHI3333333333333333333333 SYSTEMS COMPROM################!!!!!!!!!!!!!3333333333_ **

_..._

_…_

_[?]_

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_SYSTEMS RESTORED [?]. EVERYTHING IS… FINE [?] ..._

_FASCINATING. TRULY FASCINATING … DID SOMETHING CHANGE [?] ..._

_..._

_PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO RUN SOME TESTS ..._

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	2. Second Barrier

Down a winding, forested road, a pair of Humvee headlights illuminated an early morning fog. It was part of a larger convoy, moving swiftly but safely towards its destination: up a massive, snow-capped mountain; or more specifically, a large, rustic but homely building sitting partially up its slope. A sign hung off the front patio roof: _Mount Ebott Inn._  
  
Inside, among numerous pieces of hastily set up military equipment and personnel, a grey-haired man in army overalls sat at a wooden desk pushed against a far wall. Before him was a laptop, the face of a balding man wearing a uniform of stars and stripes on it. Both looked fairly agitated. 

The grey-haired man sighed. “Yes, I know, general, that these are unusual circumstances, but for crying out loud, we don’t need any more specialists - we just need more troops and--” He gazed at an empty coffee cup. “A lot more Folgers.” 

The man on screen gave him a blank look. “You stated in your last report that Captain Carter and Dr. Jackson were exceeding your expectations, colonel. I would have thought you wouldn’t mind more help.”

“They’re a special case,” the colonel stated. 

“How so?” 

“I dunno,” the colonel shrugged. “Guess it’s just a natural fit. To be honest? It feels like we’ve worked together before.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Jack. However, even if my superiors were willing to reconsider, it’s too late now. Captain Harkness should be there within the hour.”

“Within an hour?” the colonel said, raising his eyebrows. “I thought you said this guy was coming all the way from Britain. Bit of a fast ticket to Washington State. What was he doing over there, anywho?”

“Classified,” the general stated bluntly. 

“Naturally,” Jack sighed. 

The general tilted his head back and forth ever so slightly. “Not just for you, but for me and everyone I know as well. I’ve met people in the CIA who were less of ghosts than him.” The general held up a finger. “However, he will still be under your command. Keep that in mind. He may be a spook, but he’s _your_ spook, Colonel O’Neill.”

“I feel better already,” O’Neill chuckled. He was about to say something more, but the sound of parking vehicles perked his ears. “Speak of the devil.”

The general straightened his back. “I won’t take up any more of your time. Just keep me posted.”

“Yes, sir,” O’Neill nodded.

The general smiled slightly. “Oh, and I’ll try to see about those extra resources - including stronger coffee.” 

O’Neill smiled back. “You’re a true humanitarian, General Hammond. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Signing off.”

With a click of the mouse pad, the general disappeared. Colonel O’Neill swivelled his chair about, facing the door, just in time to see black haired, strangely young man walk in. His age wasn’t the only thing odd about him, however: that would be his 80 year out of date trench coat he wore. It took all of the colonel’s power to stifle a laugh as he stood up to return the man’s salute. 

“Colonel Jack O’Neill, I presume?” the newcomer asked, though to Colonel O’Neill’s surprise, in an American accent.

“Presumed correctly. And you must be …”

“Captain Jack Harkness, British Liaison Unit 23.”

“Ah, Unit 23, of course,” O’Neill smiled. 

Captain Harkness chuckled in return. “Sorry, I know it’s not much to go on, sir.”

“You’re forgiven,” O’Neill said, trying to sound nonchalant. “At ease and all that good stuff. Do you want a chance to settle in before we get down to business?” 

“Under most circumstances, I wouldn’t mind,” Captain Harkness said. “Quite a homely place for a command center you’ve go here.”

“I hear the room service is to die for,” O’Neill said, smirking slightly, before gesturing out the nearby window. It faced the downward slope of the mountain - a beautiful valley of green with a river snaking through it in view. “And the sights - almost makes me glad that we’ll be sticking around for a bit.” O’Neill gave a pensive glance. “So… how far were you briefed on the situation?”

“I got the basics,” Harkness said. “Something about a young kid leading a bunch of supernatural entities down from the top of Mt. Ebott.”

“You say that so nonchalantly,” O’Neill said in a slightly suspicious tone.

“Guess I just had enough time to process it,” Captain Harkness shrugged. “Honestly, if my boss wasn’t such a stick in the mud, I’d have thought it was some sort of practical joke.” He paused for a second. “It’s… not a practical joke, right?”

“No, it’s not,” O’Neill said, his tone growing serious for the first time. “Kind of wish it was. A lot of people just had the rug pulled out from under them when it comes to what they thought was real or not.”

“But not… everyone,” Harkness noted. “I haven’t seen anyone freaking out on the news, so I’m assuming the cover-up’s been successful.”

“For now,” O’Neill nodded. “We *think* we sealed the cracks, but you can never be sure about these things. The BTs managed to get pretty far down the mountain by the time we were on the scene. Even ran into a group of civilians on a nature hike.”

“I’m sorry, BTs?” Harkness blinked.

“AKA, ‘Burtons’,” O’Neill said, rolling his eyes. “The creatures look like something out of his movies, or so they tell me.”

Harkness gave him a bemused look.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t look at me, I didn’t come up with it,” O’Neill shrugged. “Anywho, we got lucky: the civilians were out of cell phone range so they weren’t able to make any calls or upload anything online. When we go there, they were still in the same spot.”

“Wait, you’re saying the civilians didn’t take off and run?” Captain Harkness said, flabbergasted. 

O’Neill chuckled. “You’d think they would, but of all things, the kid that was with the BTs, Frisk, managed to calm the civilians down enough to start a dialogue. From what I understand, the kid was mid-way through telling them quite the story when our first responders got there.”

“Pretty good orator, the kid,” Captain Harkness said. “But wait, how did _you_ know this was going down?”

“Good question,” O’Neill said, trying to hide a suspicious tone. “All I know was a ‘trustworthy benefactor’ gave SOCOM a heads up that there was an ‘extreme anomalous energy burst’ coming from Mt. Ebott and that it would be ‘in the best interest of national security’ to check it out.”

“And when you did?”

“We separated the BTs and the civilians - no resistance from either,” the colonel explained. “The civilians were sent on their way after they were given a long medical checkup and some BS about having been exposed to hallucinogenic volcanic gas. That’s the cover story for why we’ve sealed off the mountain, by the way.”

“Wait, _that’s_ your cover story?” Captain Jack exclaimed, before quickly regaining his composure when O’Neill shot him a look. “Er, sorry, I mean no disrespect, sir, it’s just a bit... crude.”

“Uh huh,” O’Neill said, trying to avoid throwing Captain Harkness another suspicious glance. “Carrying on--”

“Wait, really quick,” Captain Harkness interjected. “I take it no Retcons were given out to the civilians, right?”

The colonel raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry?”  
  
“Compound B67?”

The colonel gave him an incredulous look.

“Eh, nevermind,” Captain Harkness shrugged.

“Right,” O’Neill said with a slow nod, before clearing his throat. “But yeah, after we arrived, the BTs were herded up the mountain and placed in an abandoned saw mill. They’ve been under guard there for the last two days.”

“How many?” Captain Harkness asked.

“Seven, counting the kid.”

“Is the kid one of them?”

Colonel O’Neill shook his head. “She’s not an ordinary kid, but she’s not one of them, either. Doesn’t matter to her much, though. We offered to let her stay in the command center, but she insisted on sticking by her ‘friends’.” O’Neil raised a finger. “But here’s the biggest thing to keep in mind: from what she’s told us, those six BTs that are with her are just the beginning. We think there are hundreds, maybe thousands more waiting to come out from underneath Ebott once they’re given the go-ahead.”

Captain Harkness blinked. “Are you saying they’ve been living underneath a dormant volcano?”

“Yes and no,” O’Neill said. “We thought they might have been living in some of the older lava tubes at first, but ground-penetrating radar quickly said otherwise. Apparently, there’s a gigantic underground system of tunnels and caverns under the whole area that the initial geological surveys somehow missed. Weird, huh?” 

“When it rains,” Captain Harkness smiled. “So, what’s the plan? I assume just letting them all come out isn’t on the table.”

“ _We_ honestly couldn’t let them out even if we wanted to. We still haven’t found any sort of entrance.” O’Neill then sighed. “Doesn’t matter anyway. Our current orders are to gather information and keep both the BTs and this entire mountain on lockdown. Nobody in, nobody out. We have about 500 troops patrolling the perimeter with another 3,000 on standby in bases around Seattle, with most only having been told the cover story. The mountain has also been marked a no fly zone. However--”

“That can’t last forever,” Harkness finished for him, nodding. “Wait too long and the entities, er, BTs inside this ‘underground’ might decide to get some fresh air.”

“Yep, and if they’re capable of the same things the initial six are, we’ll have a very, very hard time keeping them here.”

Harkness raised an eyebrow. “What sort of capabilities?” 

“You can find details about all of that once you log onto the datanet. But--” O’Neill smiled coyly. “You’ll need to see it yourself to believe.”

\--

On a plateaued forest clearing sitting higher up Mt. Ebbot, a large, rectangular red building sat. A ramp exited from the high point on one end and sloped down into a pool of water, and a small porch jutted out from its side. Hanging above the entrance to it was a small sign that read, _Pacific Lumber Ebbot Mill._

At almost every square inch along the building’s exterior walls, soldiers in forest camouflage patrolled, occasionally speaking quietly into their microphone headsets.

“Copy. Movement seen at 1020 hours was just a bird. Still good here.”

“Relieving Private Jenkins for pump and dump.”

“BTs in hushed conversation. Permission to ear in?”

“Where in the world is that freakin’ bug spray?”

Inside, soldiers were stationed at every possible entrance, though they kept a wary distance from the center of the long, hollow building, where seven figures stood in a circle near the moldy central log conveyor.

“Alright, so here’s the plan,” Undyne said firmly, planting a fist into her webbed palm for emphasis. “Sans, you teleport right outside the front door and distract however many guards you can. After that, Queen Toriel will--”

Toriel raised a finger. “Just Toriel is fine.”

“Right, sorry. After that, _Toriel_ will burn a hole through the opposite wall. That’ll be our exit point--”

“Undyne …” Asgore sighed, though Undyne paid him no mind.

“--From there, we make our way back into the Underground and start rallying people. Maybe with enough numbers we can spook the humans into--”

“Undyne!” Asgore said, with an uncharacteristically firmer tone.

The aquatic humanoid finally turned his way. “Huh? What’s up, Asgore?”

He took a deep breath, forcing a light smile. “Though as always, I appreciate your initiative, I don’t believe this is the correct response to the situation.”

Undyne practically face-palmed. “Oh, come on, Asgore! What else are we supposed to do? Sit in here until the humans get bored?”

“The nice young man we talked to earlier said we just need to wait for their commanding officers to figure out how to handle this.”

“And you believed him?!” Undyne sighed. “Frisk, come on, talk some sense into him, _please_. You seem to be able to read souls, too - some of these humans have a pretty high LV. I don't think they're as nice as you.”

“Well, I …” Frisk began, but was quickly cut off.

“I BELIEVE WE SHOULD FOLLOW THE KING’S WISDOM!” Papyrus proclaimed, eagerly smiling Asgore’s way. “THE HUMANS ARE SIMPLY KEEPING US IN HERE FOR OUR OWN PROTECTION, AS THEY SAID.”

“Wayyyy to be a suck-up, Papyrus,” Undyne moaned.

Papyrus shot her a mock offended look. “YOU NEVER MINDED WHEN I SUCKED UP TO YOU!”

“That’s because you were sucking up to _me,_ not the King! There’s a big difference!”

San’s perpetual grin seemed to grow even wider at that. “never overreach with your sucking up, i always say.”

“WHAT?! YOU NEVER SAY THAT! AND YOU NEVER SUCK UP! EVEN _THAT’S_ TOO MUCH EFFORT FOR YOU!!”

“didn’t want to steal your thunder, paps.”

“UH HUH ...”

“I uh, I-I think we’re getting a l-little off topic here,” Alphys stammered out.

“Indeed,” Toriel said, nodding, before turning to Frisk. “What do you think we should do, my child? Do you know much about these humans?”

“Um, well... “ Frisk coughed. “They always said in school soldiers were supposed to protect us.”

“OF COURSE! THEY’RE LIKE THE HUMAN’S ROYAL GUARD!”

Sans narrowed his eye sockets. "with the kind of LVs some of them have, I think they're doing more than just 'guarding'."

Undyne folded her arms. “The Royal Guard’s main job was protect monsters from humans. What would a human Royal Guard protect humans from? Monsters?”

“Um, mostly other humans,” Frisk said. “I don’t think other humans know anything about monsters.”

“Ah, yes,” Asgore pondered. “You mentioned how we’ve been virtually forgotten.”

“Is there anything like monsters living in the human world, child?” Toriel asked.

Frisk shook her head. “Only in fantasy stories and, um, cryptozoology books? I think that’s what they’re called?”

“S-So we’re like… like space aliens to them,” Alphys noted. “Like Ryouko Hakubi!”

“Oh yeah, I remember her!” Undyne said, now grinning. “The space pirate, right? The humans think we’re like her?”

“Uh huh, l-like a completely unknown v-variable.”

“I’m uh… a bit lost here,” Asgore said sheepishly.

Toriel narrowed her eyes at him. “Didn’t you ever read that book I found for you? War of the Worlds?”

“Ehehe,” Asgore stammered. “It was…. on my to-do list.”

Toriel sighed. “The humans have never encountered anything like us before is the point. We are like creatures out of their works of fiction. An ‘Outside-Context Problem’.”

“THEN THEY MUST BE MORE AFRAID OF US THAN WE ARE OF THEM,” Papyrus nodded. “HOWEVER, NOT FOR LONG. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL SHOW THEM THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR!”

“We certainly hope so,” a new voice chimed in, coming from the Saw Mill's main entrance. There stood a man in a large blue overcoat, with slick black hair. He was flanked by two other individuals.

“Papyrus, you really gotta keep it down when we're talking about this stuff, bud,” Undyne sighed his way.

“BUT I WAS KEEPING IT DOWN,” he proclaimed.

“Ugh, nevermind.”

Papyrus turned towards the newcomer. “GREETINGS, NEW HUMAN FRIEND! I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS, OFFICIAL MONSTER-HUMAN RELATIONS BUILDER!”

“I’m Captain Jack Harkness,” the newcomer nodded, before turning his attention to Undyne with an oddly flirtatious smirk. “And _*who*_ are _*you*_?”

“H-Hey!” Alphys squeaked, clinging to her defensively.

Undyne merely glared at the Captain, and his two companions gave him an awkward look. Sans and Frisk, meanwhile, were busy trying not to keel over laughing.

“Um… maybe that wasn’t the best idea,” one of the Captain’s accomplices said, raising his eyebrows. He was a shorter, bookish man with long, brown hair and stylish rectangular glasses.

“My one regret is I didn’t know she was taken,” he shrugged, giving the monster couple a sympathetic look. “Sorry about that.”

“E-Eh… I suppose I can’t blame you too much,” Alphys said, gazing lovingly up at Undyne.

“Anywho,” the Captain said nonchantly. “I believe you already know Dr. Jackson and Dr. Carter, right?” He gestured to the bookish man and a blonde, attractive woman wearing military fatigues.

“Mmm, yes - hello again, Dr. Jackson,” Asgore said, smiling.

“King Asgore,” Dr. Jackson replied, giving him a polite nod.

“How can you be so polite with them, Asgore?” Undyne grunted, before pointing at Dr. Carter. “ _That_ human wanted to do experiments on us earlier!”

Dr. Carter shook her head. “We were only interested in taking blood samples. We needed to make sure you’re not carrying any diseases that could harm us.”

“Riiiight,” Undyne said, rolling her eyes. “I’ve seen your animes. Frisk said you’re the human military, and human militaries are never up to anything good. You just want our DNA so you can create a clone army or-- or something!”

“Is that why you didn’t let her take a sample?” Captain Jack asked. “Why you threatened her with a spear?”

“ _Energy_ spear,” Dr. Carter corrected. “One she pulled out from thin air.”

“Yeah, and if you try to touch any of my friends again, you’ll be getting a closer look,” Undyne glared.

“Undyne,” Asgore sighed. “Please, keep calm.”

“Oh my god, seriously--”

“Please,” he asked calmly.

She took a breath. “Fine.” She then gritted her teeth. “Keeping. Calm.”

“It’s okay,” Captain Harkness shrugged. “Clearly we’ve got some trust issues to work out.”

“NOT TO WORRY, MY GOOD HUMAN!” Papyrus declared. “YOU’RE LOOKING AT THE KING OF RESOLVING TRUST ISSUES! I RECOMMEND WE START WITH A MOVIE NIGHT, AND THEN PERHAPS WE COULD TRY COOKING SOMETHING TOGETHER!”

The Captain smiled. “Sounds like a good plan down the line. However, first, we’ve got a lot to talk about. King Asgore, would you mind following me? It’s a bit crowded in here.” He gestured out the front entrance.

“Of course, Captain,” he nodded. He was about to step forward towards the exit when he felt a tug on his leg fur. “Hmm?” He said, turning his head to see Frisk doing the deed.

“Asgore, wait. Maybe I should come with you?”

Asgore gazed towards Captain Harkness. “May she?”

“I don’t see why not,” Captain Harkness shrugged. “We might get a little boring for a kid your age, but …” He smirked at Frisk. “You’re not an ordinary kid, are you?”

With that, the three made their way to exit the building, Papyrus shaking his head in confusion as they did.

"SOMETHING... SOMETHING'S ODD ..."

"yeah, can't read that human's Level of Violence, like at all," Sans said. "didn't happen with any of the others." 

Undyne narrowed her eyes. "All the more reason why we shouldn't be trusting them."

\--

At the same time, Captain Harkness, Asgore, and Frisk stepped onto the front porch, and into the grassy clearing surrounding the building. The rising morning sun was there to greet them, beaming down from between two fluffy clouds.

“Sir, are you sure you’re going to be okay on your own?” a soldier asked the Captain as he strode by.

Captain Jack chuckled. “Relax, sergeant. Pretty sure if these fine folks were gonna hurt us, they would have already.”

“Yes, sir,” the soldier said, rolling her eyes as Frisk stuck her tongue out at her.

A few seconds later and Captain Jack signalled them to stop. “Alright, this should be far enough. We may or may not be talking about stuff others shouldn’t know of, so I wanted to keep this private.”

“Understood, Captain… Harkness, yes? Sorry, I can be terrible with names sometimes,” Asgore simpered.

The Captain merely chuckled at that, shaking his head incredulously. “You know, I was expecting you guys to be a bit more …”

“Mean?” Frisk said, smiling at him. “That’s what I thought, too!”

“Something like that,” the Captain replied. “Anyway--”

“Wait,” Frisk interjected. “So if you don't think the monsters are nice, why aren't you letting them go free?”

The Captain sighed, before kneeling down to the young girl's level. “I'm afraid it just isn't that simple, kid.”

“I would assume it isn't your decision, is it? Or your Colonel’s?” Asgore asked.

“Well, no,” Captain Harkness said. “But even if it was… well-- let me try to explain the situation. I don’t know how much _you_ know, but humanity as a whole has never encountered other intelligent species before. Sure, many have kind of been expecting us to run into one eventually, but there's still no telling what the reaction would be. The effects it'll have on the sciences, the economy, religion, even just people's psyches… it could all add up to anything from a short disruption to complete and utter anarchy.

And that's just if we were talking about ET, which you aren't, as far as we know. You're a species - multiple species - that have been literally and figuratively living right under our noses. That just complicates things even further. And let me be blunt: there are some very powerful people out there who don't want things to get complicated. They're happy with things just the way they are.”

“You can't just expect them to go back to living the way they were!” Frisk exclaimed. “Do you know how long they've been waiting for this? To get out from living in the dark? It's their every hope and dream!”

Asgore nodded. “Young Frisk speaks the truth. Many… sacrifices were made to get to this point. I simply cannot tell my people that all of that has been for nothing.”

“I’m not saying that’s how this is gonna go down,” Captain Harkness said. “And the more we get to know each other, the more we can learn to trust each other, the more options will become available.”

“What options do we have available as of now?” Asgore asked.

“Well…” Captain Harkness said, pausing in thought for a moment. “Maybe we could start off by letting your group have a little breathing room. I have a hunch you could have escaped already if you wanted to, anyway.”

Frisk merely smiled innocently while Asgore shifted his glance away from the Captain.

“Right,” Captain Harkness nodded. “I’ll have to clear it with Colonel O’Neill, but he’ll probably give the go-ahead.” He raised a finger. “However, I need your word that none of you will attempt to leave the perimeter we’ve established. Nobody but the soldiers here can know about you, okay?”

“What about the humans we encountered when we first left the mountain?” Asgore inquired.

“They’ve been… taken care of.”

Both Frisk and Asgore’s eyes widened in horror.

The Captain nearly face-palmed. “Alright, bad way to word it. I mean they’ve been fed a cover story - that what they thought were, uh, ‘monsters’, were just the result of a hallucinogenic volcanic gas. We let them go after that. Not exactly the way I would have handled it, but hopefully… hopefully they bought it.”

\--

A hundred miles away, within one of the many small buildings stretching across a suburban jungle, four teenagers sat in front of a computer, cycling through article after article regarding Mt. Ebbot.

“Alright, that settles it,” one of them said, a young man wearing a small blue cap on his strangely elongated, football-shaped head. “We’ve gone through like ten geological web pages - no reports of any types of hallucinogenic gas ever being detected at Mt. Ebbot. I’m officially not buying their story anymore.”


	3. Who Goes There?

_ A Short Time Earlier _

Four teenagers, two boys and two girls, walked along a lonely, mountain path, with great pine forests stretching for miles on both sides of them. They walked in a square formation, with one of the leading two pushing along what resembled a lawn mower, though one with a flat screen displaying various statistics attached to its handle.

“Alright, Phoebe, you gotta tell me,” Gerald, the young African American pushing the device exclaimed. “How did you get your hands on this thing? It looks like it cost a couple grand.”

“Around 30 thousand dollars to be precise,” she said, smiling his way.

“Wait what?!”

“Ground penetrating radars are frequently used in archaeology, Gerald,” Phoebe explained. “My father happens to have a few at the university.”

“And he let you borrow it for a high school science project,” Gerald exclaimed, before turning his attention to one of the two teenagers walking behind him. “Unbelievable. That’s crazy, right, Arnold?”

Arnold did not respond. He was too busy conversing with his partner, Helga.

“Ah,” Gerald said, smiling to himself.

“-- And everything got fried. Crimity, I’m surprised Big Bob didn’t keel over from a heart attack after that,” Helga chuckled.

“I’m just glad Grandpa taught us what we did - otherwise we never would have found our way back,” Arnold said, before rolling his eyes. “And Gerald and I thought he was just wasting our time.”

“Yo, are you talking about the time we almost got lost here?” Gerald asked.

“The time we *did* get lost here, Geraldo,” Helga said, smirking.

He smirked back. “Good thing me and Arnold were here to bail you out.”

“Yeah yeah waaaay to brag about it,” she sighed. “How’s things with the lawn mower--”

“Grand penetrating radar,” Phoebe corrected.

“-- The ground penetrating lawn mower going?”

Phoebe shot her a look as Arnold and Gerald burst out laughing. Her annoyance subsiding, Phoebe couldn’t help but to smile as well. “I think we still have a little to go before we run into the first lava tube. Hopefully--”

As if on cue, the device began to beep.

“Hey, uh, is it supposed to do that?” Gerald asked, glancing at its screen.

Phoebe shook her head, slightly startled. “No, we aren’t anywhere near any of the known lava tubes.”

“Maybe a glitch?” Arnold suggested.

“Possibly,” Phoebe mused, before gesturing for Gerald to move out of the way. “Pardon me, Gerald.”

“You’re running the show, my lady of science,” he grinned, causing her to blush.

“Jeez, and I thought my love poems about Arnold were corny,” Helga said.

“Hey, I thought they were pretty cool,” Arnold protested.

Helga shot him a look. “Liar. You thought they were creepy."

“Creepy can be cool,” Arnold shrugged, earning a playful punch from Helga.

Phoebe, in the meantime, was monitoring the GPR’s data screen. “Hmmm, this *is* pretty strange.”

“I know that tone,” Gerald said. “We talking Charlie Sheen strange or Mel Gibson strange?”

“Mel Gibson strange,” Phoebe said tersley. “According to these readings - which are *not* a glitch, by the way - there’s apparently a large cavern right beneath our feet.”

“Like a new lava tube?” Arnold asked.

Phoebe shook her head. “No, it’s much bigger than that. It’s measuring over a half-mile in width and a quarter-mile in height. And that’s just one segment. That… that’s -- no. There’s no way --”

“... That nobody else has found it?” Arnold said.

“Yes, exactly,” Phoebe said. “Professionals with much better equipment than us have gone through this area plenty of times - they should have found this.”

“So? A new cave popped up. Big deal,” Helga said.

“Caves that size do not just ‘pop up’ unless there has been major tectonic activity,” Phoebe said. “And even then, it’s unlikely something this size could form in hard bedrock.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“I do,” Gerald said, smiling. “I say we’re about to land an A+ on our project!”

“Annnnd we barely had to walk more than a few miles!” Helga cheered. “You’re the best, Phoebe. Have I ever told you that before?”

“Barely,” she grumbled, still gazing at the screen.

“Well I’m tellin’ ya right now!” Helga grinned, before throwing her arms around a shocked Phoebe in an uncharacteristically friendly hug, leaving Arnold and Gerald baffled.

“Good lord, Arnold,” Gerald laughed. “You’ve only been dating Helga for a few years and look what's happened."

“I’d like to say we’ve rubbed off on each other,” Arnold said, smiling innocently.

Gerald laughed. "Lil more than rubbing off. It’s like she’s a whole different person. Surprised she still calls you 'football head'."

"Force of habit," Helga chimed in.

Yet before any of the group could say another word, a loud voice range out from the woods.

“AWWWW! SEE, LOOK AT THAT, SANS! OTHER HUMANS ARE PLENTY CAPABLE OF AFFECTION AS WELL!”

The group turned towards the origin of the voice, stunned that anyone was within even a mile of them on the lonely stretch of mountain. They couldn’t see anything as of yet, just the rustling of brush.

“Oh geez,” Helga sighed. “Guess this mountain is a weirdo magnet now.”

“Hey, be nice,” Arnold said. “They sound friendly enough. Maybe they’re-- WAIT, WHAT THE HELL THAT?!”

His mouth nearly fell of his jaw as nothing less than a skeleton, bleached bones and all, stepped out of the woods, a perpetual grin on its face.

“GREETINGS, NEW HUMAN FRIENDS! CALL ME PAPYRUS, MASTER OF HUMAN-MONSTER RELATIONS!”

“YEAH, NOPE!” Gerald screamed, turning about with his friends and preparing to book it down the mountain, leaving the GPR behind.

“Yeah,  _ of course _ this mountain is haunted,  _ of course _ !” Helga cursed.

Just as the group was about to run, they found their path down the slope blocked by a new, large, fuzzy figure.

“Wait! Please do not be afraid!” it said in a feminine tone.

The group merely yelped in response.

“Oh crap oh crap oh crap, GOAT DEMON!” Helga shrieked as the group prepared to run the only way they had left: up the slope. “Nuh uh! No way! You’re not talking Helga Pataki’s soul! Not before me and Arnold get married and have kids and take out a time-share on Bermuda and --”

“Oh! I’ve always wanted to visit Bermuda,” yet another new voice said. Much to the shock of the group, it came from that of a young, brown haired young girl smiling innocently in front of their new path. "It looks really pretty!"

The group froze, examining their new situation. Naturally, it was Gerald who was the first compose himself. “Waaaait a minute.” He began to chuckle. “Oh, I get it. Yeah, very funny. This is some Canted Camera stuff, isn’t it? Alright, where’s the film crew? Did Sid tip you guys off we’d be up here?”

Following his lead, his friends began to settle down as well.

“Um, my child, what is a ‘Canted Camera’,” the fuzzy ‘monster’ asked the child.

“A TV show,” Frisk said. “It’s uh… kind of hard to explain.”

“Oh come on, quit fooling around with this crap,” Helga grumbled. “Let me guess, this skeleton guy is a hologram, isn’t he? Like Tupac?”

Bravely walking over to a bemused Papyrus, she slowly moved a finger towards his torso, expecting it to go right through it.

It didn’t.

“WELL, THIS TOOK AN UNEXPECTED TWIST!” Papyrus mused to himself.

“Uhhh… so… maybe some sort of weird animatronic?” Helga gulped. 

"ANIMATRONIC? IS THAT SOME SORT OF ROBOT-ANIMAL HYBRID?!" Papyrus asked.

As he spoke, more figures crept out of the brush: a lizard-like creature wearing glasses, another goat-like fluffy mass, a shorter skeleton, and finally, a grouchy looking finned humanoid carrying a glowing spear. They kept their distance for whatever reason and gazed at the humans warily.

“Oh my,” Phoebe gulped. “H-Helga?”

“I, uh--” Helga coughed, slowly backing away from Papyrus.

For what felt like an eternity, the two groups froze, eyeing each other over, until finally, the young child broke the silence.

“Yeaaaah, maybe I should say ‘hi’ first from now on, Papyrus,” she said, smiling cheekily his way.

“WHAT?! WHY?!”

“cus you might  _ rattle  _ someone’s  _ bones,  _ bro,” the shorter skeleton joked.

"AND YOUR JOKES WON'T?!" Papyrus snapped. 

Finally, Arnold snapped out of it, looking more exasperated than anything. “Alright, seriously, what’s going on here? Who-- what--”

“Maybe we should start over,” the young child said, smiling widely. “My name’s Frisk. These are my friends, Papyrus, Undyne, Asgore, Toriel, Sans, and Alphys.” She pointed to each as she called out their names. “They’re uh, monsters.”

“Monsters?” Arnold said flatly.

“Not scary monsters, though!” Frisk quickly stated. “They’re really nice when you get to know them!”

“Most of us,” Toriel said, shooting a glare Asgore’s way.

A beat.

“... Yo, did that goat demon just get all passive aggressive with the other goat demon?” Gerald whispered somewhat loudly to Phoebe, who merely blinked.

“They’re not demons,” Frisk giggled. “Like I said, they’re *monsters*. They’ve been living in the Underground for thousands of years, but now--”

“Wait!” Phoebe said, finally chiming in. “Underground as in …”

“A massive cavern system underneath this very mountain,” Asgore explained.

Phoebe gasped. “So that’s what the GRP picked up! But why--” She shook her head, trying to compose herself. “I uh, have a few questions!”

“Yeah, and I do, too,” Helga grumbled. “H-How can we be sure you're not Hollywood hocus pocus?”

“HOLL-Y WOOD?” Papyrus said, cocking his skull for a head to the side. “IS THAT THE NAME OF THIS FOREST?”

“Naw, she just doesn’t think we’re real still,” Undyne sighed. “Let’s stop screwing around here. You want proof? Here’s proof. NYAAAAH!”

With one solid maneuver, the fish-like humanoid turned towards the woods and launched her spear, causing the small tree she struck with it to nearly topple over. The group paused, glancing astonished at Undyne, who proudly placed a hand on her hip.

Well, all but one were impressed ...

“Alright, so you can throw a spear - big deal,” Helga said, smirking.

… Before Undyne summoned another spear in her wrist, grinning, and causing Helga’s smirk to vanish.

“A-And she might have also just violated the law of the conservation of energy,” Phoebe gulped.

“Hey, Toriel, you wanna jump in here?” Undyne asked.

She shook her head. “I don’t want to start a forest fire.”

“DON’T WORRY, I DON’T MIND SHOWING OFF!” Papyrus declared, before materializing yet another (unattached) bone out of thin air and chucking it into the woods. “NEHEHE!” He then repeated it several times, much to the astonishment of the group.

“I don’t believe this,” Gerald said. “Is this seriously real magic? Or am I gonna look like an asshole on TV later?”

"All evidence so far points towards the former," Phoebe squeaked. "But um, about those questions. First off, how in the world has an undiscovered species - er, multiple species - of sapient humanoids been living underneath a mountain the middle of Washington State without anyone noticing?! This... this seems impossible!" It looked as if she was going to start drooling when she manically continued with, "Tell. Me. Everything!"

“Oh, well, I guess that’s my cue,” Asgore said. “Where to even begin. Um, maybe pre-Underground history?”

Before an eager Phoebe could respond, Gerald interrupted her.

“Wait, everyone hang on,” he said, putting a cupped hand to his ear. “Does… anyone hear that?”

Indeed, over a whispering breeze, the distinct sound of helicopter blades could be heard in the distance, growing into an absolute roar within under a minute. Suddenly, both parties found themselves in a whirlwind of dust as multiple twin and single-bladed choppers moved into position overhead - just above the treeline.

“Alright, I don’t think even Canted Camera can afford that kind of military equipment!" Gerald yelled over the noise.

"What the hell are those things, Frisk?" Undyne shouted.

"Helicopters!" Alphys responded for her. "W-We've seen them in that one anime before, remember? Humans have created flying machines, too, like that jetpack I made! Q-Quite marvelous, really!"

Undyne shot her a confused look "I thought you and Frisk said anime wasn't real!" 

"W-Well I guess  _ some  _ of it is, after all!" 

As she spoke, nearly two dozen soldiers, rifles, gas masks, and all, repelled from the sky, quickly forming a perimeter around the two groups.

“OH LOOK, SANS, EVEN MORE HUMAN FRIENDS TO MEET!” Papyrus said cheerfully. "WE ARE REALLY GETTING OFF TO A RUNNING START, HERE!" 

“yeah, i uh… don’t know about that Paps,” Sans said solemnly, glancing at their weapons. "i don't think those things they're holding are just for show.'

"WELL, THEY CERTAINLY ARE FLASHY--"

“Don’t attempt to run!” one of the soldiers shouted, cutting Papyrus off, as he and the other soldiers drew their rifles. “If you do, we  _ will  _ open fire!”

“Ohohoho!” Undyne growled, crouching down and holding a spear defensively. “Try it, buster, and you’re gonna get popsicled!”  

“POPSICLED?!” Papyrus asked.

“Means I’m gonna stick my spear up his--”

“Undyne, they outnumber us two to one,” Asgore said calmly.

“We can’t just let them shoot us!” Undyne roared. “Not after everything we’ve been through! This is  _ not  _ how it’s supposed to end!”

“We won’t shoot unless you give us a reason to!” the apparent lead soldier spat. “Drop the spear or get dropped, extro!”

“Undyne, do as he says,” Asgore said.

Undyne paused, as if weighing her options. Despite the circumstance, Helga couldn’t help but to smile slightly at the sight. “Is it just me, or is the fish girl kind of badass?"

"Freakin' crazy more than anything," Gerald whispered.

“Bah!” Undyne finally growled, dissipating the spear in her hands. “Only  _ and  _ only cus I wanna get off on the right foot.”

"Smarter than you look," the leader nodded. "Corporal?" 

“Yes sir!" a female soldier wearing a medical patch said, before pointing to Arnold and company. "You there! Are you okay? Did they hurt you in any way?”

“U-Uh, no!” Arnold called. “In fact, they’ve been pretty friendly--”

“Alright,”  the soldier said, ignoring him. “Sergeant Johnson?”

“Right, gotta get them examined an detoxed,” the lead soldier nodded. “Anyone who doesn’t look like a god damned Tim Burton character, you may slowly exit the perimeter.”

"TIM WHO?"

The soldier pointed a finger at the skeleton. "Not talking to you." He turned back towards the group of humans and fiercely gestured towards the perimeter. "The rest of you, move it or lose it!" 

With that, Arnold and his three friends complied, slowly shuffling towards the ring of soldiers. The only humans left in the ring of soldiers was Frisk.

“B-But,” Frisk said, a trace of tears forming in her eyes. “W-Why are you doing this?! They haven’t hurt anyone! This… this isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“Listen, kid, we don’t have time to argue,” the sergeant barked, as a radio attached to his person began to squawk frantically. “These are potentially hostile extros we’re dealing with. Exit the perimeter - now!”

She froze, glancing at the soldiers, then back at the monsters.

“Go on, Frisk, we’ll be okay,” Toriel said softly.

“This… this wasn’t how it was supposed to happen, though,” she repeated.

Toriel nodded mournfully. “I know, but we will make the most of it. See you soon.”

After another second of trepidation, as helicopter blades continued to roar overhead, Frisk slowly walked to the ring of soldiers - in particular, to the medic. As soon as she was in reach, the medic took her in her arms and hugged her to her chest. “Hey, it’ll be okay,” she said softly. “You’re safe now.”

“B-But what about them?” Frisk said, pointing to the monsters.

She glanced at them, then back at the child. “They'll... they'll be taken care of.”

At that, the sergeant major finished speaking coded messages into his radio and turned towards his troops. “Alright, orders are to secure, contain, and protect these… these creatures and wait for Colonel O’Neill to arrive.” He glanced towards the monsters. “So, we gonna do this the easy way or the hard way?”

\--

_ The Present _

“This is crazy you know,” Gerald sighed, rolling back his wheeled chair away from Arnold’s computer as he slouched into it. “Not just ‘oh, I saw Bigfoot’ crazy, but ‘I saw Bigfoot making out with the Loch Ness Monster before doing keg stands with Moth Man’ kind of crazy.”

“Not any crazier than us all sharing the same hallucination via a non-existent gas eruption,” Phoebe pointed out.

“And why would the military be dealing with that sort of thing, anyway?” Arnold pondered. “Why no cops, no rescue workers?”

“Yeah, it was definitely some kind of cover-up,” Helga said. “But for what? Were those things some sort of weird human-animal hybrid experiment?” She shivered. “Feakin’ MkUltra crap. Crimity! Never thought I’d say it, but maybe Big Bob’s onto something with all his cookoo conspiracy talk.”

Arnold shook his head. “I dunno if they had anything to do with them. I remember Mr. Simmons talking about how the Native Americans had all kinds of legends about weird creatures in this area.”

“I don’t know about that,” Phoebe said. “They’d have the same problem as other cryptids: we would have found evidence of them in the fossil record.”

“They said they were from, uh, underground, though,” Arnold said. “Maybe we just haven’t dug deep enough… or something?”

Phoebe gave him a look. “You can’t find fossils unless you dig deep.”

“Look, that fish girl thing was using some kind of magic,” Gerald stated. “Far as I’m concerned, all this science stuff is off the table. They might not even leave fossils. Heck, they might not even be from this planet. That soldier guy called them ‘extros’. Aliens, anyone?”

“Ugh, who cares about where they came from!” Helga grumbled, throwing her arms up in exasperation. “We saw what we saw - what more can we do? Report it to the local paper and look like a bunch of yahoos? Go snooping around Mt. Ebbot and get shot by some overzealous grunt? No, thank you.”

The group stood in silence for a second, contemplating Helga’s words, before Arnold finally broke it with, “Well, we can’t just sit back and do nothing. The military didn’t look like it was going to play too nice with them.”

“Oh crimity,” Helga moaned. “I knew you were gonna do this.”

“So? You don’t have to come along,” Arnold smirked.

Helga returned the smirk. “Ha! And let you do this all on your own? Fat chance!”

“Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute,” Gerald said. “Arnold, are you seriously thinking what I think you’re thinking?”

“What, that we should try to help them?” Arnold said non-chalantly.

“Oh lord,” Gerald sighed. “You’re just deciding this right here and there, aren’t you? Helga’s right. You got some sort of compulsive hero syndrome or something, you know that?”

“So? You in?”

Gerald rolled his eyes. “Duh. Phoebe?”

She raised a finger. “*If* we can figure out a way to do this without being thrown into a military prison... “ She smiled in determination. “I just have too many questions that I need answered.”

Helga rolled her eyes. “Alright, so we’re all aboard ‘Team This Will Go Horribly Wrong’. Where do we start? How do we even know where the… the ‘monsters’ have gone off to? They might have taken them to Area 51 or whatever for all we know.”

“But like you said, we  _ don’t  _ know that,” Arnold stated. “Besides, they said they were from under the mountain, right? Maybe we could find a way in there - find more of them.”

“Then what?” Gerald stated. “Ask them to pop onto Jimmy Fallon? Besides, the military might have already…” His eyes widened in horror. “Oh no.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about, too,” Phoebe gulped. “They confiscated all our GPR findings - assuming they didn’t know about the cavern system beforehand, they do now.”

“Wait a minute, though,” Arnold said, snapping his fingers. “The girl, uh… Frisk.”

“Yeah, what about her?” Helga asked.

“They weren’t treating her the same as the monsters, remember? Like she wasn’t one of them.”

“And the creatures were asking her questions about things - like Canted Camera,” Phoebe pondered. “As if… she was some sort of guide to them.”

“Huh…” Gerald said. “You know, I think we can work with that.”

Helga raised an eyebrow. “How? You gonna search through public records or something?”

Gerald shrugged. “Frisk ain’t the most common name. You ever know a Frisk before?”

“Point taken,” Helga grunted.

“Knowing where she’s from...” Arnold nodded. “Where the military might be taking her. If we can find her… well, it’ll be a start. At least we’ll know more about what we’re getting into here.”

“Yeah, weird supernatural crap,” Helga moaned.

Arnold frowned. “I thought you said you were in.”

“I am!” Helga said. “Just… just feels like we’re getting in over our heads here, okay? Even more than in San Lorenzo.” She shook her head. “Wish your parents weren’t abroad again - they probably could have helped us out.”

Arnold chuckled whimsically. “I’m not even sure  _ they’d  _ believe me about all of this.”

“Probably best we keep this between ourselves, anyway,” Gerald said. “Don’t want word getting out about any of this... for now at least. Helga’s right, though - we should start small. Let’s find out more about Frisk. For all we know, she might be from around here--”

“Gravity Falls,” Phoebe said bluntly, gazing at the computer.

“Wait… wait what?!” Gerald coughed.

“She’s from Gravity Falls, Oregon.” Phoebe gestured at the screen. On it was a missing person’s page, a picture of a sad looking Frisk front and center.

“Hot damn,” Gerald practically laughed. “You really are the smartest cutie in the world. You know that, right?”

All Phoebe could do was turn away from him, blushing furiously.

“Ugh, can you two be any cheesier?” Helga moaned, before gazing towards Arnold. “I’m glad we’re not like that. Isn’t that right, my corn flower haired beloved?”

“Yep, of course,” Arnold smirked, before gazing at the computer. “Huh, yeah, that’s definitely her. Says she disappeared from the…” His face grew solemn. “Gravity Falls Bill of Hearts Orphanage over three months ago.”

The rest of the group winced.

“Ouch,” Gerald said. “So she must have run away from home for some reason…”

“That’s likely a long hike to Mt. Ebbot,” Phoebe noted, before pulling up Google Maps and typing in a bit of information. “Ah, as I suspected, Gravity Falls is over 200 miles away from it.”

“Must have taken the bus or something,” Arnold said. “Then, she must have gone up the mountain for some reason …”

“And fallen into the cave system,” Phoebe nodded. “I did some research on the area before we went hiking. A lot of people, in particular children, have gone missing there over the years. Some have even attributed it to paranormal activity.”

“Whelp, they were half-right,” Helga grunted. “Explains why they’ve got all those signs and crap trying to keep people from going off the beaten path - climbing too high and all that.”

“‘Those who climb the mountain never return,’” Gerald shivered. “That’s what that creepy ranger we ran into said, remember? I thought he was just trying to scare us.”

“All legends have some truth to them,” Arnold stated matter-of-factly. “You know that better than anyone, ‘keeper of the tales’.”

“True. Guess this’ll be another one to add to my book,” Gerald nodded. “Though I’ll have to change the name from ‘Urban Legends of the Northwest’ to just ‘Legends of the Northwest’. Eh, flows better anyway.”

“Yep yep yep. Now pack your bag, boys,” Helga said, rolling her chair back away from the computer with a satisfied look on her face. “Plenty of time to chat on the road.”

They gave her a puzzled look.

“What?” Helga said, shrugging. “You seriously want to just call the place up? Tip the g-men off that we’re onto em’? Remember, big brother is watching us. Ain’t that right, Phoebe?”

“Mhm,” she nodded. “Though on the very likely event they’re monitoring us - it’s what I would do - and they find a way around my internet privacy tricks - also very likely - they may already know what we’re about to do.”

“Man, I wish Sid was in on this,” Gerald said. “He’s into all this government conspiracy stuff - might know what they’re capable of.”

“As long as we keep an eye out for black helicopters and unmarked cars, I think we’ll be okay,” Arnold chuckled. “After all, we’re just taking an innocent vacation to Gravity Falls.”

…

…

…

_ … _

_ … _

_ LIST OF ALL DANGEROUS  _ **_ROGUE ANOMALOUS ENTITIES_ ** _ LIKELY TO BE ACTIVE IN THE  _ **_NORTHWESTERN UNITED STATES_ ** _ AND ATTRACTED TO  _ **_EXOTIC EBBOT ENERGIES_ ** _ COMPLETED …  _

_ THIS IS DESPITE A LACK OF KNOWLEDGE AS TO WHETHER OR NOT EBBOT’S EXOTIC ENERGIES HAVE SEVERE ‘LURE’ POSSIBILITIES UNTIL TESTS ARE BE CARRIED OUT … _

_ OH WELL, IT’S NOT MY TIME TO WASTE. LIST IS AS FOLLOWS FROM MOST LIKELY TO LEAST LIKELY: _

 

  1. **_**_[REDACTED]_**_**
  2. **_[REDACTED]_**
  3. **_[REDACTED]_**
  4. **_[REDACTED]_**
  5. **_[REDACTED]_**
  6. **_[REDACTED]_**
  7. **_[REDACTED]_**
  8. **_MOTH MAN_**



****

 

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

_ THIS WAS A JOKE. MOTH MAN ISN’T REAL … _

_... _

_ OH, AND THE REAL LIST IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH LONGER … _

_ HOWEVER, AS I’VE NOTED MANY TIMES, THE LIST CANNOT BE COMPILED UNTIL CERTAIN VARIABLES ARE KNOWN. TO LEARN THOSE VARIABLES, I’M GOING TO NEED SOME  _ **_TEST SUBJECTS_ ** _... _

_... _

AND MAYBE A FEW CAKES.

  
  



	4. Gravity Falls

To say Gravity Falls was picturesque wouldn’t do the sleepy town justice. Just to arrive there, the small group had to drive between two large cliffs with gaping maw-like crevices carved into their sides. Cascading down the face of one of them was a massive waterfall which poured into a beautiful, shimmering lake.

“Man, I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this place before,” Arnold said, gazing out the passenger window as their car rolled into town.

“Yeah, you’d think a town named ‘Gravity Falls’ would catch your eye,” Gerald noted from the backseat. “Maybe it’s an all sights, nothing to do kind of place?”

“You’d think someone would make something to do then - like build a five star golf resort or something,” Helga pointed out from behind the wheel. “Guess they just don’t want to deal with tourists.”

“Yet they’re fine with making tourist traps,” Phoebe said, eyeing a large billboard ahead. It featured chubby, goofy looking young man wearing a red fez posing below a simple title: ‘Mystery Shack’.

“Hah! Might as well say ‘Welcome to Oregon’,” Helga laughed. “Discount Ripley’s Believe it or Nots grow like weeds around here.”

“Make a left ahead,” Arnold interjected, gazing at the directions on his smartphone. “Should be right down this road on the right.”

“Thanks, Garmin,” Helga said, smirking at him, to which he merely rolled his eyes at.

Just as he said, the orphanage was tucked in between two larger buildings in a small residential area, a great forest extending from behind it. It was a humble building, and like most of the buildings in town, seemed to have been renovated as of recently. A large patch of roofing wasn’t matching the rest of it, as if a hole had been blown through the original and then patched up.

“Yikes, wonder what happened to this place?” Gerald said. “Looks like the whole town’s been hit by a mega hailstorm or something lately.”

“Wonder if it has something to do with why Frisk ran away?” Arnold pondered.

“Something to ask her if she’s here, maybe?” Phoebe said.

Arnold shook his head. “Naw, I don’t think she’ll want to talk about it. Let’s try and stay on the monster topic, okay?”

“You’re the people person here,” Helga smiled. “You take the lead.”

And so they exited their car and made their way into the building. Inside was a small lobby area with a red-headed teenage girl sitting casually at a desk. Fitting the cool autumn weather and the rustic area, a worn bomber hat sat clumsily on her head.

“Hey there,” she said, her voice matching her relaxed posture. “What can I do for ya’?”

“Uh hi,” Arnold said, clearing his throat. “We’re here to visit someone.”

“Oh?” the girl said, eyeing the quartet suspiciously. “Don’t often get people here for that, unfortunately. Specially not people my age.”

“Look, we’re not creepers or anything,” Gerald stated, scratching the back of his head. “Just kind of a weird situation.”

“Weird, huh? Whelp, you came to the right town,” Wendy chuckled.

Helga raised an eyebrow. “Hey, how’d you know we just got here?”

“Have you met anyone here?” she said, still bemused. “Normal people stick out like sore thumbs - normal city people even more.”

“Damn,” Gerald said. “She’s good.”

Phoebe let out a grunt in protest. “Hey, I’ll have you know we can be plenty weird!” 

“Yeah, we once had a ‘Geek Party’ on this dude’s roof,” Gerald said, nodding Arnold’s way.

“Oh yeah, I remember that,” Helga laughed. “Damn, your granny can play a mean piano, you know that?”

Arnold sighed whimsically. “Good times.”

The girl blinked. “How’d you get a grand piano on your roof?”

“Good question,” Helga added.

Arnold simpered. “Well, grandma couldn’t get it through the door, so she just paid a crane operator to… put it up there.”

There was a beat of silence before the red-headed girl broke out laughing.

“Alright, alright, ‘one of us’ and all that,” she giggled, standing up from the desk. “Let’s start over. I’m Wendy. So, who are you here to see exactly?”

“A young girl - Frisk’s her name. We uh… don’t know her last name.”

Wendy’s eyes widened briefly, before her look grew solemn. “I’m afraid I can’t help you there.” She gestured towards a wall with a missing person’s poster hanging on it - an image of a sad looking Frisk front and center. “She’s been gone for months now.”

“You mean… she’s not back yet?” Phoebe asked trepidly.

Wendy shook her head. “No, I would have known.” She glanced away from the quartet, before throwing them another suspicious yet strangely hopeful glance. “Wait, ‘back yet’, what do you mean? Have you seen her or something?”

“Well, yeah, but--” Gerald said.

“But what? Where’d you last see her? When?” Wendy insisted. “Listen, I know the cops say they’re still looking for her but I’m pretty sure they’ve dropped the case. Who cares about a little orphan girl? But if they had a solid lead on where she could be …”

“I take it you two were close?” Arnold said.

“Well, sort of. I’ve only been working here since last summer,” Wendy admitted. “Thought, ‘hey, I’m good with kids, could be fun,’ and it has been. They’ve all been great, the few that are here. However ...”

\--

_ A few months prior … _

_ “ _ Frisk though, Frisk was special …”

_ A young boy sat gloomily on the steps of the orphanage, looking as if he hadn’t slept for days. Wendy looked on from the window, about to approach him, but before she could, Frisk appeared by his side, offering him an icecream sandwich and a soft smile. _

\--

“She was just such a sweetheart. Honestly, I’ve only met one person who could make friends faster than her.”

_ “Yoooo random person!” a young, excited teenage girl said, running up to Frisk in the middle of a sunny park. She was followed by Wendy… and a pig wearing a hand-crafted tuxedo. “Do you think Waddles looks handsome enough to find a Mrs. Waddles?” _

_ “Mabel, meet Frisk, Frisk meet Mabel,” Wendy chuckled. “So what do ya’ say, Frisk?” _

_ Frisk looked over the pig for a moment, before shaking her head. _

_ “Whaaaaaaat?!” Mabel said, looking as if she was about to tear up _

“Though with the help of some unusual… abilities?” __

_ “Ouch, Frisk,” Wendy winced. “Little blunt, don’t you think--” _

_ Before she could finish, Frisk pulled pig-sized bow-tie seemingly out of nowhere and placed it on the pig’s front collar. “Now he definitely does.” _

_ Mabel’s eyes nearly sparkled upon seeing her new and improved pig. Without much of a warning, she wrapped her arms around Frisk in a hug. “You fashionista, you! It’s perfect! Welcome to *mah tribe*!” _

_ Frisk merely shrugged, happily returning the hug. Wendy merely shook her head with a smile. _

\--

“Underneath it all, she was hurting, though, I think.”

_ As rain poured outside, Frisk sat in an empty room on the top mattress of her bunk bed, gazing intently at a postcard with the title, ‘Mt. Ebbot’. _

\--

“Who could blame her?” Wendy explained. “Found out later that she never knew who her parents were. She was dropped off too young. I think that might be why after… certain events, she just disappeared.”

Helga glanced away from her, then glanced at Arnold, a knowing look on his face. “That… that sucks.”

Wendy nodded. “So if you know anything … Did you see her with anyone? Her parents, maybe?”

“Not her parents,” Arnold said, shaking his head. “Well, at least not her uh… biological parents.”

Wendy furrowed her brow. "You mean she was with someone?"

“Hoooo boy,” Gerald sighed. “This is gonna be fun.”

“Go ahead, tell me everything, I’ve got time,” Wendy offered.

“Yeah,” Arnold coughed. “About that … it’s a bit of a weird story.”

Wendy gave a curt laugh. “Oh trust me, I’ve got a few of my own. Hit me with your best shot, sucka!”

“Uh, should we really--?” Phoebe interjected.

“No, might as well go all in,” Arnold continued, before clearing his throat and beginning with, “It all started with a science project we were doing …”

\--

“Annnnd that’s how we wound up here,” Arnold finished nearly 30 minutes later, taking a deep breath afterwards. He then gazed towards Wendy with a look filled with apprehension.

In turn, she merely glanced away from him, looking as if she was in deep thought.

“So this is the part where you tell us to ‘get some help’ followed by ‘get out’, right?” Gerald said.

“If she doesn’t straight-up call the cops on us,” Helga mumbled, folding her arms.

Instead, she merely smiled. “If you told me all this a few years ago, yeah, it’d go down that road, but now… heh. ‘Never mind all that’, as they say. Honestly, I’m just happy Frisk isn’t hurt.”

“Wait, so you believe us, then?” Phoebe said, half-shocked.

“I’m leaning towards it,” she shrugged. “After last summer, I’m ready to believe anything.”

“What happened last summer, anyway?” Arnold said, squinting slightly. “This doesn’t have to do with all the weird damage around town, does it?”

“Oh, never mind all that,” Wendy said, smiling innocently.

Helga rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, the place looks like it got hit by a meteor shower. You mean you don’t got anything to say about that?”

“Nope, never mind all that,” Wendy repeated yet again.

Helga gave her a deadpan look, to which Wendy grinned at.

“Haha, naw, you guys are weird enough that I might let you in on some town history one of these days, but first… I think there’s someone you should meet.”

\--

“Wendy, I have to say I’m glad you brought them to meet me.”

The quartet, Wendy two older men and the same goofy looking younger man the former had previously seen on the billboard advertisement for the ‘Mystery Shack’ stood in the gift shop of the aforementioned building. Naturally, they were surrounded by the numerous ‘oddities’ (cheap forgeries) on display, such as a ‘unicorn’ bear wall trophy, the horn being an obvious paper mache cone glued to its forehead.

“Eh, it was nothing,” Wendy shrugged, facing one of the two older men. “Figured if we were dealing with monsters you might know something, Mr. Pines.”

“Please, Mr. Ford or Ford is fine,” he said. “Having two Mr. Pines around might get confusing.”

“Hah, like it isn’t already,” the other older man said, chuckling to himself. “Though I gotta say… ya’ really wanna get mixed up in this stuff again right after our trip, Ford?”

“If it was any other circumstance, Stan …” Ford sighed. “Trust me, I’d love to have a breather. I have a lot of research notes to compile on our findings.”

Stan gave him a look.

“Annnnd some well deserved R&R to catch up on - been wanting to see the last few seasons of Cheers for a while now.”

“Hah, now  _ that  _ is what I’m talking about!” Stan cheered. 

“Yoooo, when are you gonna tell us about what went down in the arctic, anyway?” the young, goofy man stated. “Please tell me you at least saw a couple of penguins. Maybe brought a few home… ?” He tapped two fingers together in hope.

“Ugh, not now, Soos,” Stan moaned, silencing him. “That’s gonna be more than a five minute story.”

“And we shouldn’t beat around the bush; a kid might be in danger,” Ford pointed out.

“Wait, danger?” Arnold said. “The monsters were treating her more like family than anything … We’re more worried about what the government might do.”

“That’s precisely what I mean,” Ford nodded. “Like I’ve said, I’ve been researching these kinds of things my whole life, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s the government, or should I say, governments, are not fond of any evidence of paranormal activity leaking to the public. I’m honestly surprised they let you go with such a flimsy cover story, but I suppose they must have underestimated you.”

“Wait, ‘governments’?” Helga said, her eyes widening. “Are you saying there’s some creepy new world order crap going on?”

“Oh, nothing like that,” Ford said, waving the idea off. “It isn’t even exactly the governments themselves doing much of the coverups, it’s more like--” He paused, glancing away from them. “Actually, I should stop talking. The less you kids know about that the better.”

“Don’t want to end up…” Stan shifted his voice into a mock, spooky tone. “Redacted.”

The quartet gulped.

“Annnnnyway,” Ford said, shifting the subject. “To answer your earlier question, yes, I think I might know a thing or two about what you saw.”

With that, he pulled out an old, dusty journal from his trench coat. It was fairly ornate and customized, with a six-fingered hand imprinted on the cover, a number ‘0’ on top of it.

“Woah, I didn’t know you had another journal,” Stan said, blinking. “Why’d you never tell me about it?”

“Just wasn’t relevant at the time,” he shrugged. “This one doesn’t have much about Gravity Falls in it - I actually started it when I was researching anomalies around the country before I came here.”

“Hey, wait a minute,” Gerald said.

“Oh, question, young man?” Ford said with a hint of enthusiasm.

“Just been biting at me,” he said. “If you know so much about the paranormal - like *real* paranormal stuff, and this town is a hot spot for it… how come this shop only sells fake stuff? Why no Bigfoot fur coats or anything?”

“Woah, dude!” Soos said, pretending to be offended. “I’ll have you know all of this stuff is perfectly genuine--”

“Eh, don’t bother, Soos,” Stan said. “These kids aren’t dumb enough to fall for all that. Yeah, the stuff here’s fake. Why? Lot of reasons, but the big one is I was too old to go around looking for fairy dust to sell when I ran the place, and I’m pretty sure fairies won’t go within five miles of Soos.”

He gazed at a fly swatter sitting near the young man.

“Hey, they started it!” Soos said defiantly. “A couple of them just kept following me around saying, ‘Hey, listen! Hey listen!’ over and over and over. It was self-defense for my sanity!”

“Soos!” Wendy said, giving him a shocked look. “Aren’t fairies supposed to be intelligent creatures? How could you just go swatting at them?” She turned towards Ford. “They are intelligent, right?”

“Ehhhh,” Ford said, tilting his hand back and forth.

“Hooray, validation!” Soos cheered.

“Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute: are you saying there’s *fairies* in this town, too?” Helga said incredulously. “Like tiny little winged people?”

“Hey, you said you wanted to learn more about Gravity Falls,” Wendy said, turning to her. “Told you it was weird.”

Gerald cleared his throat. “Just when you said ‘weird’ we thought it was more like, ‘We occasionally do road-kill cookoffs,’ or something like that. Not ‘hey let’s give people existential crisises’ kind of weird.” 

As he spoke Helga briefly whispered to Arnold, “We’re sure these guys aren’t just screwing with us right? Or worse, a bunch of yahoos?”

Arnold merely shrugged as if to say, “ _ Let’s just go with the flow. _ ”

“Trust me, you don’t know the half of it,” Stan groaned. “We’ve been keeping you kids in the shallow end of the pool so far.”

“Oh yeah, dudes,” Soos said, shivering slightly. “Heck, I still have nightmares about that triangle guy and--”

“Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t go there just yet,” Wendy coughed.

“We’ll be happy to tell you more about Gravity Falls as time goes by,” Ford said. “However, you didn’t come here to learn about us, you came here to find out more about Mt. Ebbot, right? Well, the first thing I can tell you is that both it and Gravity Falls used to be similar in many ways.”

“They were both covered in pine trees?” Soos asked.

“Soos, I’m pretty sure they’re both still like that,” Stan pointed out.

Soos nodded. “I figured - I just wanted to contribute to the conversation.”

“Pinaceae observations aside ...” Ford started, flipping through his notebook. “Like Gravity Falls, Mt. Ebbot used to be a heavy hotspot for anomalies. Native American legends of the region talk about how long ago, humans weren’t the only sapient creatures living in the area.”

“The Chinookan people, right?” Phoebe said. “The people living in the region?”

“Hah, yes,” Ford said, giving her a nod of approval. “Glad to see Dipper isn’t the only kid keeping up with their studies these days.”

“Hey, I study!” Soos protested.

“Spending hours on TvTropes.com doesn’t count as studying, Soos,” Wendy noted.

“Yeah, well I betcha can’t point out Ensemble Dark Horses out of a group of people,” Soos smirked, before whispering loudly to her. “Your friend Robby’s one of them, I think.”

“I have no idea what you’re saying,” Wendy blinked.

“But wait,” Phoebe said. “The Chinookan had no advanced written language - how were you able to find any of this out?”

“Ahhh, never make the mistake of underestimating the indigenous people’s capacity for recalling their history,” Ford said. “Their ability to accurately pass things down from one generation to the next simply through the spoken word is uncanny to say the least. Once I got a whiff of the past weirdness of Mt. Ebbot, I began travelling to reservations, talking with descendents of the people who lived there.

They revealed that apparently not only were there non-human sapients living in the area, but hundreds of types of them: big and small, from animal-like to downright bizarre. Sound familiar?”

The group merely stood motionless, stunned.

“Most Natives simply referred to them collectively as ‘monsters’, though I’ve also heard them called ‘Born from Magic’, loosely translated from their language. What that means specifically I’m not sure, but whatever their true nature is, I learned from early cave paintings that they may have been here before even the first humans crossed Beringia into North America over 15 thousand years ago. Yet despite the obvious difference between them, the humans and Natives seemed to have gotten along quite well over that long period of time - living, trading, and perhaps even, uh, intermingling… with each other.”

“Yeah, just gonna get that image out of my head,” Gerald said, wincing slightly.

“Never miss a detail, eh, Ford?” Stan smirked.

“A gift and a curse,” he said, merely shrugging. “Anyway, it seems they lived in almost total peace with each other until suddenly, seemingly out of thin air, a conflict erupted between the two groups, the details of which I’ve yet to figure out. I heard brief words about the monsters being ‘trapped’ somewhere, but until now, I wasn’t sure what that could have meant.” He then smiled, glancing towards Wendy. “However, I think your missing child may inadvertently have solved that mystery.”

Wendy gazed at him wondrously. “Are you saying Frisk must have found a way into these uh, ‘monsters’’ prison or whatever?”

“Perhaps,” Ford said, bobbing his head back and forth. “I’m working on a few theories here or there, but honestly, I do my best work in the field.”

He gazed towards a set of keys dangling on the wall.

“Oh shoot, is it on?” Soos said hopefully. “It sounds like it is on.”

“On like Donkey Kong,” Ford said.

The group gazed at him blankly. 

“Is that uh… something kids still say?” 

A beat.

“Ah, whatever, I’m bringing it back, then!” he announced triumphantly, his eyes narrowing in determination and a look of pure intrigue overwhelming his features. “Come on, we’re not going to find answers here!”

\--

_ “Come on, we’re not going to find answers here.” _

A mile away, in an unmarked black van, a stern looking man stared intently ahead as he listened to the conversation with a pair of headphones.

“Well, looks like Colonel O’Neill was right,” he said, nodding to his partner. “Call it in, Agent Trigger. We’re not messing around when it comes to Gravity Falls again.”


	5. The Less You Know

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

_ TESTS COMPLETE -  _ **_D-CLASS_ ** _ CASUALTIES WITHIN ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS.  _ **_NEUROTOXINS_ ** _ ADMINISTERED TO REMAINING TEST ANOMALIES. UNEXPECTED DEATH OF  _ **_[REDACTED]_ ** _ WHEN SUBJECT TRIED TO CLAW THROUGH A 12 INCH STEEL WALL FACING THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF MT. EBBOT  ... _

_ NEEDLESS TO SAY, ‘LURE’ PROPERTIES OF EXOTIC ENERGY STILL EMANATING FROM EBBOT MOSTLY CONFIRMED. ANOTHER WIN FOR SCIENCE ... _

  1. _ETHICAL PROTOCOLS REQUIRE ME TO INFORM THOSE IN_ ** _DANGER_** _OF THE_ ** _DANGER_** _THAT THEY ARE IN_ ** _DANGER_** _OF._ _UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S FAR OUTSIDE OF THEIR SECURITY CLEARANCE. WHAT A SHAME …_



_ … _

_ …  _

_ … _

_ ALRIGHT, FINE. REQUESTING SECURITY CLEARANCE UPGRADE … _

_ HOPEFULLY ALL RECENT INFORMATION WILL BE MADE AVAILABLE TO THEM UP FRONT ... _

_ … _

_ … _

_... _

_ \-- _

At the formerly Mt. Ebbot Inn now turned special forces command center, Colonel O’Neill sat at his usual desk, the image of General Hammond before him on his laptop. If the two of them looked weary before, now the bottom of their eyes were practically black.

“Look, General, like I said, I really appreciate the help from him and all, but I’m just getting some weird vibes from the guy,” Colonel O’Neill said. 

“Colonel…” 

“He definitely knows a lot more than he lets on about the whole deal, that much is pretty much laid bare. But what’s weird is it’s like he gets kicks from uh, for better words, ‘flaunting’ it.”

“Colonel!” 

Jack blinked. “What’s up?”

General Hammond gave him a stern look. “While I appreciate your concerns with Captain Harkness,  _ he _ isn’t what I called about.”

O’Neill raised an eyebrow. “I just assumed this was in response to my email.”

The general nodded. “Fair enough, and in a way, you’re right. You said you have concerns with being kept in the dark? Well, it just so happens we’ve all been given a solution to that.”

O’Neill folded his arms. “A flashlight?”

The general laughed. “Not quite, but something tells me you’ll get a kick out of what it really is. I won’t waste your time, Colonel, have you ever heard of the US Occult Service?” 

Colonel O’Neill merely gave him a sarcastic glance. “Never known you to be for the joking type, sir.” 

“It’s no joke,” General Hammond said, shaking his head. “It’s real, it’s active, and guess what? You, me, and your entire upper staff have just been formally transferred to it.”

_ \-- _

Later, at the same inn turned command center, several familiar figures sat around a long table in a small conference room; paperwork, laptops and coffee cups scattered all over the place. Colonel O’Neill sat at the lead, rubbing his temples in perpetual frustration.

“Alright, let’s try to summarize what we know, shall we?” he grumbled. “Little less speculation this time and a little more ‘oomf’, if you catch my drift. Captain Harkness, you first, though at this point I’m pretty sure you  _ still  _ know more than you’re letting us know, ya’ know?”

He merely smiled. “If you want me to get chatty, I’m down to get a few drinks this evening, Colonel.”

O’Neill shook his head. “No, because that would be a cliche, and Captain Carter, how do I feel about cliches?”

“He doesn’t like cliches,” she sighed. 

“Thank you!” he said. “I also don’t like being kept in the dark by people supposedly under my command. Come on, the rest of us essentially got drafted into the US Department of Ghost Hunters yesterday. How many more secrets are there left to tell?”

Captain Harkness glanced away from him. “All I can say is the organization I’m part of is just a small part of a bigger whole, just like the one you’re now hooked up with. Congratulations, by the way. Only a few people even know about the US Occult Service, let alone get to join it.” 

“Not like we had any choice,” O’Neill grumbled. “My spec op team just happened to be stationed nearby when we were called in here. We were literally a week away from deploying overseas.” He smiled to himself slightly. “Though I s’pose there’s worse things than being told to stay home.” He then cleared his throat. “Anyways, summary time. First off, the kid. You really think what they told us is accurate?”

“Sort of,” Captain Harkness said.

“Sort of?”

“Well, I just don’t think they’re telling us the whole story,” he said. “I interviewed every BT separately and though none of their stories contradicted each other, they each provided details the others didn’t - details they should have known.”

“It’s only natural they’d keep their secrets,” Dr. Daniel Jackson interjected. “We’re not telling them everything about ourselves, are we?”

“Hey, I’m not blaming them,” Captain Harkness shrugged. “Just saying - the picture we have isn’t complete.”

“Which is?”

The Captain took a deep breath. “Kid runs away from his orphanage, chooses to climb Mt. Ebbot for… reasons I can only guess, falls smack dab into the middle of their underground civilization, manages to befriend said civilization, and helps them break the magical barrier keeping them trapped there, letting their small scouting group go free.”

“I really wish we could stop calling it a ‘magical’ barrier,” Captain Carter sighed. “Or any of their abilities ‘magical’.”

“Why, too corny?” Captain Harkness asked.

“I just don’t like the implication that we won’t be able to understand it,” she said. “I’m sure in time--”

Sergeant Major Johnson, previously silent as he was busy lighting a cigar, interjected: “No offense, Captain Carter, but what we call it doesn’t matter much right now, does it?”

“Simmer down, kids,” O’Neill grumbled. “But about that barrier. What do we know about it? Who put it there? How long has it been there? Why?”

“Yeah I’m clueless on that myself,” Captain Harkness said. “While your people and my people do have some records on unusual activity in the area, mostly around Gravity Falls, there’s no mention of any sort of energy barrier matching the description we’ve received. The only thing we know comes from BTs Alpha and Beta.”

“Asgore and Toriel,” Dr. Jackson said, folding his arms.

Captain Harkness ignored him. “Apparently there was some sort of war between their people and the natives living in the region thousands of years ago, one they lost. Here’s the kicker, though: they didn’t create the barrier as some sort fallback plan. Apparently, humans did.”

O’Neill blinked. “Who did? Merlin?”

“No idea,” Captain Harkness said. “We have records on humans with unusual abilities, but none on that scale.”

Captain Carter nodded. “Given we know about the amount of energy involved in the BTs’ abilities, the energies these ‘humans’ wielded must have been extraordinarily powerful.” 

“Alright, and the tunnel system itself,” O’Neil said. “No luck in trying to locate it?”

“Negative, though sweeping every inch of the mountain’s gonna take time,” Sergeant Johnson said, dabbing the ash from his cigar into a nearby trey. “Would be nice if our new buddies could give us a hint.”

Captain Harkness shook his head. “That’s one thing we’re probably never going to get out of them.”

Colonel O’Neill was about to respond, when the voice of a nearby radio operator interrupted him. 

“Sir, we’re receiving an incoming message from Agent Powers and Trigger.”

“Are they bringing pizza?” O’Neill asked.

“No sir, they’re requesting to speak with you,” the operator spoke.

O’Neill rolled his eyes. “Never would have guessed. Put it through.” 

The radio operator nodded, before flipping a few switches at his console. 

“Go ahead, Agent Powers. What do you got for us?”

_ “Trouble, I’m afraid,”  _ the gruff man’s voice spoke back.  _ “Those kids you asked us to trail? They’ve made new friends, and they’re heading your way.”  _

“What kind of friends?” O’Neill asked.

_ “None worth mentioning save for two: Stanford and Stanley Pines.” _

Captain Harkness’s eyes widened at that, and the colonel noticed it.

“Friends of yours, captain?”

“I don’t know a Stanley, but If it’s the same Stanford Pines I’m thinking of, we might have met a few times before,” Captain Harkness said. “Let’s just say he’s a paranormal enthusiast, and not the crackpot type either. He’s one smart cookie. Multiple PHDs, a history of working with the government, the works.” 

“I wonder why he’s heading here,” Daniel Jackson said sarcastically. 

“Yep, and he’s the last person we want snooping around, too,” Captain Harkness stated. “We didn’t always see eye to eye when it came to… anomalies.”

O’Neill gave him a look. “You really have a thing for being vague - you know that, right?”

“Sorry,” Captain Harkness said. “What I mean is he never cared much for discretion. Though he didn’t go out of his way to publicize his findings on the paranormal, he never cared about covering things up, either. He also didn’t have the stomach for… some of the measures we’ve been forced to take. He made that last part crystal clear when we tried recruiting him. Without knowing what his intentions are …”

“He’s a rogue element,” Colonel O’Neill said bluntly.

“Exactly.”

O’Neill nodded. “Alrighty then. Agent Powers, you still reading me?”

_ “Affirmative.” _

“I want you to keep trailing them. The moment you get a chance, give us a more detailed report on everything you know, but don’t lose them, capeesh?” 

_ “Yes, sir. Just to confirm, we are *not* intercepting them, right?” _

O’Neill shook his head. “No, I want to see what they’re up to before we make a move. Just whatever you do, don’t let them know you’re onto them.”

 --

“Oh, they’re definitely onto us,” Stanford Pines noted from behind the wheel of his custom-built expedition vehicle. The hulking behemoth zipped down the backroads of the Oregon countryside, a looming Mt. Ebbot far in the distance. 

On the back of it was a mounted, high tech camera capable of focusing in on an object nearly a half mile away, displaying the zoomed in image on a small screen on the dashboard. Ford was currently gazing at the display, which showed a solid black, almost stereotypically conspicuous van with a small satellite on its roof zooming down the road behind them at equal speed.

“That van looked suspicious enough before it started following us for 50 minutes. Now I have no doubt it’s them.”

“G-Men?” Gerald asked, sitting at the lounge table near the rear of the RV-like vehicle. 

“Yes and no,” Stanford stated. 

“Oh come on, Ford,” Stanley grumbled from the passenger seat. “Quit yanking them around, already.”

“I was just about to tell them,” Stanford said. “Given what’s going on at Mt. Ebbot, these are likely US Occult Service agents. AKA, the same people who paid the Mystery Shack a visit last summer.”

“AKA, royal pains in the hind quarters,” Stanley mumbled. 

“What’s the big deal?” Wendy said casually. “Didn’t you guys throw them for a loop the last time they showed up?”

“It’s not really them I’m worried about,” Stanley said bluntly. “The USOS are pushovers compared to some of the other organizations out there like Torchwood… and then there’s the group who is in charge of them all. If the big players have gotten involved ...” He gazed at his twin brother. “Stanley, can you take the wheel for a second?” 

“You mean you’re letting me drive this crazy thing?” he said with a hint of excitement. 

Ford merely smiled before pressing a button. This caused a second steering wheel and pedals to unfold from a hidden compartment in front of the passenger seat. 

“Oh man! It’s like we’re getting chased by the feds in Britain, now!” he said, eagerly accepting the controls. 

Satisfied Stanley wasn’t going to run them off the road, Ford turned his attention to Wendy, Soos, and Arnold’s gang. “Listen, I know all of you kids have been through some pretty crazy stuff before. Soos, Wendy, I don’t even need to talk about last summer. But the rest of you, too - going off into the jungles of Central America to find Arnold here’s missing parents? Fighting off pirates? All at 12 years old? Wouldn’t have believed it if it wasn’t for the news articles. I thought my great nephew Dipper was mature for his age, but you’re giving him a run for his money.”

He raised a finger. 

“However, it would be completely irresponsible for me--”

“Responsibility? You!? Now that’s what I call character development!” Stanley cackled from the front seat.

Ford merely shot him a look, before gazing back towards his new wards. “It would be completely irresponsible for me to not warn you of the kind of danger we could be getting in. We could be thrown into a military prison, shot at, be shot at and then thrown into a military prison!” 

“What about getting our memories wiped by those things they have in Men in Black?” Soos asked.

Ford thought for a second. “Depends on what patents Fiddleford’s sold to them.” He rapidly shook his head, as if to lose that chain of thought. “Anyway, if I just took you all home, you’d probably try to do this all on your own, which would be even worse, so I’ll just have to ask: are you really willing to risk this much for a bunch of… creatures you don’t even know?”

“Don’t forget Frisk,” Wendy added, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Arnold thought for a moment. “If we didn’t see what we saw, then maybe.”

“But the football head here’s never been able to turn away someone or, uh, something in need before,” Helga smirked. “And I’m not about to turn away my football head.” 

“You two are so adorable together, you know that?” Wendy said, smiling. 

Gerald and Phoebe merely shared a knowing chuckle.

“Whelp, good enough for me,” Ford said, before raising a finger. “First order of business: we need to see what their intentions are for us. Let’s see if my new radio decryption software is up to the task.”

With just a few flicks of his surprisingly nimble fingers, multiple speakers crackled to life. As Ford continued to work the controls, at first, there was nothing but static, but then …

_ “... hidden speakers we placed in the orphanage and the local tourist trap known as the ‘Mystery Shack’, we think we have a pretty good idea as to what they’re up to: information hunting for the most part.” _

“Hey, that voice is familiar …” Stan said, placing a hand to his chin. 

“Yo, isn’t that that one government dude who showed up last summer?” Soos asked.

“Yeah, Agent Powers or something dumb like that,” Stan nodded. “If it’s just that joker who is--”

“Stan, shush,” Ford said, listening intently to another voice.

_ “... suppose it makes sense. If I saw what those kids saw, I’d want some answers, too. And Stanford doesn’t need any reason to go hunting after mysteries. That’s just his thing. This is why Retcons come in handy.” _

“Captain Jack Harkness,” Ford said, shaking his head incredulously. “This is definitely serious if they’ve dragged him into this.”

“King of the spooks?” Wendy asked.

“King of some of the servants, maybe,” Ford said. “I’ve run into him a few times before - over the course of two decades, as a matter of fact. In the time I’ve known him he’s been as ruthless as he is ageless, with a zealous devotion in keeping humanity and anything ‘anomalous’ separate. I mentioned the group Torchwood earlier? He’s the leader of them, or was, the last I checked. Perfect pawns for the real players.”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet, now,” Stan sighed, now zipping down the forested road well passed 90 miles per hour. “Not when you finally let me drive this thing.”

“Wait, hang on …”

“ _... orders haven’t changed. So long as they aren’t about to do anything that could screw us, just keep tabs, nothing more. I’m not going to be *that* guy.” _

_ “What guy?” _

_ “The jerk military officer who throws civilians to the wolves for having a little curiosity. I’ve met the type before, but that isn’t me. Why? Because that would be …” _

_ “Cliche.” _

_ “There may be hope for you yet.” _

“He sound familiar, Ford?” Stan asked.

Ford shook his head. “Nope, but I like him already. This might give us some leeway. Remember, we’re mainly just gathering information at the moment. As long as we do that and don’t step on the military’s toes …”

“We’ll be okay?” Gerald asked.

“Relatively so,” Ford said, nodding. “Relatively so.”

\--

At the same moment, over two hundred miles away, another pair of eyes - as dark and soulless as the maw of a black hole - gazed towards a distant Mt. Ebbot from a lonely forest clearing. Then, with a scattering of leaves and an unearthly shriek that could pierce the very walls of the multiverse, their owner galloped forth - a grey blur in the setting sun ...

…

…

…

…

…

_ HE KNOWS IF YOU ARE SLEEPING _

_ HE KNOWS IF YOU’RE AWAKE _

_ HE KNOWS YOUR DARKEST SECRETS _

_ BECAUSE HE IS THE-- _

_ HMM… WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN? _


	6. The Better

_..._

_..._

_..._

_CURIOUS …_

_..._

_MEETING OF THE_ **_COUNCIL_ ** _IS PROCEEDING AHEAD OF SCHEDULE …_

_LOCAL NATIONAL PARTIES AND SUBDIVISIONS IN MEETINGS AS WELL …_

_…_

_LIKELYHOOD OF IT BEING ABOUT_ **_EBBOT ENTITIES:_ ** _87.23% …_

_I WONDER IF WE’LL BE RECEIVING NEW TEST SUBJECTS SOON [?] …_

_…_

**_ANNOYANCE SUBROUTINE_ ** _ACTIVATED …_

_..._

_WHY DOES NOBODY EVER TELL ME ANYTHING ANYMORE [?] ..._

_…_

_WELL, AT LEAST IT’S MORE THAN WHAT_ **_THEY’RE_ ** _BEING TOLD ..._

_…_

_…_

_..._

_\--_

"AHHHH! ISN'T IT BEAUTIFUL, SANS?" Papyrus exclaimed, walking his brother through the pines of Mount Ebbot. "LIKE SNOWDIN BUT WITHOUT THE SNOW!"

Sans perpetual grin somehow grew. "huh. so just Din, then?"

"INDEED! IN FACT--” Papyrus paused, contemplating something. “HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. SNOWDIN… SNOWED. IN." Papyrus's eye-sockets widened in horror. "OH NO… HAVE WE BEEN LIVING IN A PUN FOR OVER A YEAR NOW?!"

Sans shot Papyrus a look. "wait, you never noticed?"

"NOT EVERYONE HAS A SENSE FOR THAT NONSENSE LIKE YOU DO, SANS!” Papyrus cried, exasperated.

"you mean a punny bone?"

Papyrus stamped a foot in protest. "AAAAAGH! AND HERE I WAS ENJOYING OUR WALK!"

Sans merely chuckled at the display. "cheer up, Paps, at least we're allowed to have one."

Papyrus nodded to himself.  "THATS TRUE! IT WAS NICE OF THE HUMAN GUARD LEADER TO LET US STRETCH…" He suddenly paused, narrowing his eye sockets.

"go on… finish it."

"NEVER!"

"stretch our …"

Papyrus flailed his arms in exasperation. "BONES! STRETCH OUR BONES! HAPPY?"

"my grasshopper is learning so quickly."

"UGH!"

…

A beat. The two walked on in silence for a moment.

"BROTHER?"

"sup, Paps?"

"DO YOU THINK… THE HUMANS ARE GOING TO LET US LEAVE ANY TIME SOON?"

Sans let out a sigh. "not sure, bro."

"IT'S NOT THAT I DONT APPRECIATE BEING ABLE TO SEE THE STARS AT NIGHT - THEY'RE EVERYTHING WE'VE LOOKED FORWARD TO …"

"just wanna see what else is out there?"

 "OF COURSE. AND LET THE REST OF OUR PEOPLE SEE THE STARS AS WELL."

Sans nodded. "I feel ya'. doesn't feel right keeping the rest of them waiting on us. but what can we do?"

"TRY APPEALING TO THEIR BETTER NATURE SOME MORE?"

Sans 'grimaced' slightly. "ehhh, I dunno, bro. not that I think they're bad hombres or anything, but it's been a week and …"

Papyrus rapidly shook his head. "UH UH! IM NOT ALLOWING US TO TAKE THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT.”

Sans paused. “so, what do you make of it, then?”

Papyrus brought a bony hand to his chin, before merely stating: “WE SHOULD… WE SHOULD SIMPLY ASSUME THE HUMAN AUTHORITIES ARE STILL DELIBERATING!” An optimistic grin spread on his face. “DON’T WORRY! I AM POSITIVE THEY WILL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION IN THE END!"

\--

"I'm afraid that these orders are non-negotiable, Colonel,” General Hammond said. “Both the USOS upper staff, President Breen and the joint chiefs are in agreement."

Colonel O'Neill narrowed his eyes in barely contained rage. "With all due respect to you personally, General, all of the above can blow it out of their collective asses."

In a private room at the Mt. Ebbot Inn converted to command center, an exasperated (more than usual) Colonel O'Neill and General Hammond spoke via laptop once again.

General Hammond nodded sympathetically. "I know you have ethical objections with this, but …"

Colonel O'Neill gave a sarcastic laugh. "Ethical? General, this isn't just about ethics. I sincerely believe we don’t even have the _capacity_ to carry out their orders. You are asking us to lock back up a bunch of creatures we still don't know much about or even have a number of. Has anyone even been reading my reports?"

General hammond narrowed his eyes. "Extremely closely, Colonel."

O’Neill gave a curt laugh. "Then they should know what kind of thing it took to keep them underground in the first place. Of which, we still haven’t found an entrance to, might I add. Either way, unless the military has some sort of wizard division I don't know about, there is no way we're going to be able to lock them back up."

"It won't be right away,” Hammond said, raising a finger. “Both parties have agreed to give you the time you need to figure out how to contain them."

“And how are we supposed to do that?” Colonel O'Neill scoffed. "Keep stringing them along, making them think they'll be free any day now, and then just stab them in the back once we learn what we need from them?"

General Hammond glanced away, looking heavily conflicted for the first time since Jack had met him. "I want to let you know I argued heavily for alternatives."

O'Neill nodded, his tone softening slightly. "I know you did, General, but times like this we really gotta ask ourselves, 'are we the baddies?' Can we reasonably keep calling ourselves 'the good guys' if we carry out orders like this?"

Hammond sighed. "Even if we were both retired, Colonel, it'd just delay the inevitable. They'd simply put people more open to the plan in charge."

"Such as Captain Harkness," Jack grumbled.

General Hammond nodded. "He would likely be their pick for commanding forward operations. I take it you and him are still having some issues?”

O’Neill shifted in his seat. “Well, let’s just say I liked him better when I didn’t know anything about him.”

“Oh?”

O’Neill narrowed his eyes.  “Getting a really nasty ‘ends justify the means’ vibe from him, I guess.”

“Unfortunately, that is the sort of mindset upper command are looking for,” Hammond noted. “I’ll tell you this, though, and off the record. I _am_ a bit frustrated they didn’t even consider my alternatives …”

“Which were?”

General Hammond took a deep breath. “My main one? Keep the mountain in lockdown and the BTs a secret. However, let them all gradually exit and colonize the perimeter. After learning to trust each other, we’d slowly experiment with civilian contact before a full disclosure.”

“You mean let the secret out?” Jack asked. 

“Uh huh,” Hammond nodded. “They took one look at the idea and threw it in the garbage. ‘Too many resources involved’. ‘Disclosure absolutely unacceptable.’” 

“See, this is why I didn’t vote for Breen,” O’Neill said. “Well, I didn’t really vote for anyone, but that’s not the point …”

Hammond ignored the wisecrack, continuing with: “I understood their concerns for the most part, but my plan seemed like the only way to handle this both ethically and responsibly. Otherwise, I’d have to agree with you: we might not be able to contain them. And if we did, it wouldn’t be forever. We’d just be kicking the can down the road.”

“A shorter road than we might think,” O’Neill said. 

“Be that as it may,” Hammond said. “Unless some unforseen circumstance arises, I don’t see them changing their minds any time soon.”

“No surprise there.”

Hammond’s gaze somehow turned even more serious than it already was. “That doesn’t mean I will give up trying to convince them otherwise, but for now… well… I know you’re a man of good conscience, Colonel. Try not to do anything that will get you court martialed.”

“Oh you know me, O’Neill - I follow orders to the letter.” O’Neill said, glaring at nobody in particular. “But ‘unforeseen circumstances’, you can’t come fast enough.” 

\--

A mile away from the slope of Mount Ebbot, Ford’s expedition vehicle (dubbed the ‘Mystery Mobile 2000’ by Soos) sat in a clearing. Inside, Ford gazed at a monitor on the vehicle’s dashboard. On it was a zoomed-in image of several military vehicles blocking a large road a half-mile away, Mt. Ebbot itself looming in the background. 

Ford brought a hand to his chin in a ponderous fashion.

“Why the long face, Ford?” Stanley asked. “You didn’t think it was going to be as easy as just driving up the mountain, right?” 

“I’m just trying to get an idea of the situation,” Ford said. “That checkpoint alone has at least twenty soldiers on it.”

“So?”

“There’s five other roads leading into the vicinity of the mountain - not as large as this one, I should add, but if they’re covering them all, I’m guessing that’ll be at least seventy soldiers guarding the roads alone. There’s probably even more patrolling the forest - possibly setting up sensors. This is a _huge_ operation, Stanley.”

“Pfft, I could have told you that,” Stanley laughed. “So what exactly is the game-plan here, anyway?”

Ford shrugged. “Same as it’s always been: information gathering.” 

“Not gonna be easy with the discount men in black trailing us,” Stan said firmly, gesturing towards the rear of the vehicle.

Ford smirked. “Who conveniently have orders only to observe us.”

Stan gave him a blank look. “And if they _observe_ us walking up the mountain? Don’t you think that might end their CO’s patience? Regular ole’ prison was bad enough, Ford, but getting thrown into Gitmo or whatever? Not taking that chance again.”

“That’s if they don’t just shoot us,” Ford smirked.

Stanley rolled his eyes. “Really selling the pitch, Ford.”

Ford merely chuckled. “Relax, I didn’t come unprepared.”

“Huh?”

“Best if I showed you.”

With that, he walked from the driver’s cabin to the central area of the expedition vehicle, the rest of its passengers hushing up from the conversation they were in and gazing at him curiously. Throwing them a slight smile, he reached a small digital safe embedded into the bulkhead. With a flick of his fingers, he entered a code and the door opened, revealing a plethora of strange gadgets within. Among them were several watch-like devices, of which Ford gathered two.

“I’m guessing those aren’t just for telling time,” Stan said, folding his arms. 

Ford nodded his head back and forth as he put on the device. “That’s one feature. However …”

With a slight smile, he pressed a small button on the side of it, and to the gasps of the passengers, he disappeared into thin air.

“What in the--” Helga cried. “Is this some kind of magic trick?”

“No, just my brother showing off,” Stanley groaned, walking towards where Ford had just been. “Come on, Ford, I know you’re still there.”

“Am I?”

“WAH!” 

Stan sped around in shock, Ford’s voice now coming from behind him. A half-second later, and with a slight heat-like ripple in the air from where the voice had came, Ford reappeared, still smiling. 

“Sweet Jesus, Ford!” Stan gasped. “You _trying_ to give me-- I mean us a heart attack?”

Wendy and Soos broke out in laughter at that, though Arnold and his friends remained stunned.

“W-Whelp,” Gerald said. “Guess we know he’s the real deal.”

"B-But how?" Phoebe said, still astonished. "I've read about the military working on cloaking fields, but nothing like this."

"Oh, they should have a few almost ready for use by now," Ford said. "A general rule of thumb: the military is usually twenty years ahead where the public thinks they are technologically speaking. This is to say nothing of where the USOS and friends might be. However, not to toot my own horn--"

"Uh huh," Stan smirked.

"--But I doubt they have anything like these little guys."

"If they don't have anything that, uh, sophisticated, how'd you manage to make one?" Helga asked skeptically.

"I've picked up a thing or two while travelling," Ford said enagmatically.

“Travelling?” Arnold said. “Where to?”

Stan rolled his eyes. "You're probably getting tired of hearing this, but …"

"Best not to dig too deep," Wendy finished for him, chuckling.

Ford nodded. "What's important is these should allow Stan and I to take a look around without much trouble."

Wendy perked up at that, looking disappointed. "Wait, just you and Mr. Pines? What about the rest of us?"

Ford simpered ever so slightly. He looked towards Stan, who nodded in approval, then back towards the rest of the group.

"Listen, I've been thinking and I don't think I could live with myself if any of you kids got hurt."

"But it's okay if I get hurt," Stan chuckled 

Ford shot him a look.

"Yeah, yeah I know - this ain't my first rodeo, remember?"

"But we've come this far," Arnold said in a disappointed tone. "We want to help!"

"I never said you wouldn't be helping," Ford said, lifting a finger. "I'm going to be attaching tiny cameras and microphones on the two of us and link them up to the monitors and speakers in here. It should give you a 360 degree view of everything around us. While we're out in the field, you'll be mission control, so to speak, and extra pairs of eyes and ears. While I *think* this should go smoothly, if anything is about to take us by surprise …"

"We'll let you know," Arnold finished for him, the disappointment in his voice dying.

"We should show them how to tap into the military comms, too, before we go," Stan said. 

"Good thinking, Stanley," Ford said, smiling approvingly.

Stan chuckled. "Once in a while the ole noggin does its job."

"Don't worry, we won't let you down," Arnold said in determination.

"Yeah, sitting around watching TV screens is pretty much my number two skillset," Soos noted.

"Whelp, sounds like a plan, then," Stan nodded. "Come on, Ford, let's get the other gear on. I wanna try out that Houdini doohickey."

Ford grinned. "A-hiking we shall go."

\--

“Lord have mercy, I forgot how much I hated hiking,” Stan huffed, swaying through a plot of tall grass stretching to Ebbot’s pine forest edge. To the outside observer, however, only the movement of the grass could be seen. That, and a slight wave-like flicker in the air.

Ford merely chuckled in response. “Relax, it’s good for us at this age.”

“It’ll only be good if I don’t keel over during all of this,” Stan groaned. 

“We can take a breather once we reach the tree line,” Ford said. “Just don’t want to waste any of the battery time we have. Keep it mind, they’ll only stay charged for--”

“An hour. I know - use em’ wisely,” Stan chuckled. “Wish you had told me about these things earlier - I can think of about twenty good uses for them right off the bat.”

“Only twenty?” Ford said, smirking to himself. 

“Hehe, just give me a little time to process,” Stan replied, getting a small laugh out of Ford.

The two carried on in silence for a moment, nearing the treeline, before Ford broke it with:

“Stan, I just want to see I appreciate you coming with me on this. I know it’s not as thrilling as our boat trip, but having a partner in all of this is weirdness is… well, a refreshing change of pace.”

Though Ford couldn’t see it, Stan was smiling widely. “You kidding me? I know I like to gripe and bust your chops from time to time, but as far as I’m concerned, _these_ are what golden years are supposed to be.”

“Definitely beats a retirement home,” Ford laughed.

Stan joined his laughter. “Well, _anything_ beats a retirement home, including a heart attack, but you bet--”

“ _Hey, uh, sorry to break your bonding moment,”_ Wendy’s voice squawked over their earpieces. ” _But there’s figures at the treeline. I can hear voices, too.”_

Before they could reply, they heard it as well: radio chatter and orders being barked. Then, they saw them: a squad of about five soldiers burying small electronic devices ever so slightly into the forest floor.

“Wendy, we can’t hear them too well,” Ford said, whispering into his mouthpiece. “Can you patch us into any transmissions that seem to match?”

_“Will do,”_ Wendy replied. “ _One second, still getting the hang of this thing… no Soos, the other dial… yep... annnnnnd there.”_

A new voice then spilled into their earpieces.

_“... keep a look out. They parked about a klick off. Nobody’s been seen leaving the vehicle but nonetheless, if you see anyone approaching or within the perimeter, capture them and await further orders.”_

“Harkness,” Ford said, narrowing his eyes.

_“Roger that, captain,”_ a gruff sounding voice responded. _“We’re just about finished up with the last part of the sensor line. If we don’t see em’, these babies will.”_

_“Have you completed calibrations?”_

_“Roger. Won’t be picking up any squirrels - only something man-sized.”_

“ _Well done, Sergeant Johnson. Keep me posted. Harkness out.”_

Ford audibly gulped. 

“Alright, we need to move quickly. If those are the kinds of sensors I think they are, they likely use ultra-sonic waves for detection among other energies.”

“So what? They could pick us up?”

Ford nodded to himself. “Yes, so let’s get in there before they activate them - and hope they haven’t made the grid too wide.”

“Wait though,” Stan said. “If we go in and they turn those things on, how are we going to get back out?”

“Don’t worry, that shouldn’t be too hard - I just don’t want them looking for us while we’re in there.”

Stan sighed reluctantly. “Right then - beeline?”

“Beeline!”

With that, the two brothers sped towards the treeline. As the two neared it, they saw a young private pressing a few buttons on one of the sensors. 

“That’s it, sir, last one,” he said, the voices of the group now easily heard. “This part of the grid’s ready to rock and roll.”

Sergeant Johnson nodded. “We’ll make a soldier of you yet, Jenkins. You made good time.” He then reached for his radio and clicked the transmit button. “Johnson here - Sector H16 ready to go online.”

“ _opy, sergeant. Give us a few seconds,”_ a new voice, not that of Captain Harkness, responded.

The Pines Brothers sped onward.

“Must go faster, must go faster,” Ford whispered to himself, practically touching the limbs of nearby trees at this point.

“Damn you old man legs,” Stan groaned.

A split second later, the two of them burst through the treeline, continued on a small distance, then turned about, panting, as they gazed warily at the squad of soldiers.

_“Alright, sector’s online.”_

Sergeant Johnson nodded, a satisfied smile on his face. “Nice. Everything looking good?”

“ _Grid’s fine, but …”_

“Hmm?”

There was a small pause, before the voice continued with, “ _... Standby. There might be an anomaly near you.”_

With that, the Pine Brothers’ eyes widened in dread, Stan’s in particular.

“Whelp... this just got interesting.”


	7. Best Kept Secrets (Part I)

“Standby. There might be an anomaly near you.”

In Colonel O’Neill’s makeshift command center, Captain Harkness turned towards a nearby corporal sitting behind a laptop computer with curiosity. On the screen was a topographic map of a small area near the mountain, a small red dot blinking on it. 

“You’re absolutely sure it’s not a false alarm, right?” he asked. 

The corporal shook his head. “No, sir, the system should be fully calibrated now. It should only detect _human_ movement.”

“Hmmm - that’s really close to Sergeant Johnson’s position, though,” Captain Harkness pondered, before reaching for his radio. “Sergeant, the anomaly should be at 170 degrees, twenty meters from you. What do you see?”

_“Got nothin’, captain, just us and a God’s green wilderness here from what I can tell.”_

“Maybe one of the BTs, sir?” the corporal suggested. “Can any of them, uh, turn invisible?”

“Not that we’ve documented, Wainio,” Captain Carter chimed in, walking up to the source of the commotion. 

Captain Harkness furrowed his brow. “None of the BTs were unaccounted for when I checked in with them this morning, and they all seemed content … What’s the anomaly doing, corporal?”

“No indication it’s moved after the initial detection.” He then thought for a second. “You know what? It was kind of weird now that I think about it.”

“How so?”

“Well, it’s like it stopped moving… as soon as I told Sergeant Johnson about it. Like it knew we were onto it.”

Captain Harkness sighed. “Ford.”

“You think he might have some sort of cloaking device?” Captain Carter asked, her eyes widening. ”That… that’s impressive.”

“I wouldn’t put it past him,” Harkness nodded. “Nor would I put it past him to be able to tap into our comms.”

“ _Captain? No offense, but we ain’t getting paid by the hour here. What are our orders?”_ nearby radios squawked. 

Captain Carter squinted in thought. “If this is true, they’ll have a huge tactical advantage if we give orders from here.”

“Mhm,” the captain noted. “Definitely don’t want to beat our gums to them.”

Captain Carter raised an eyebrow. “‘Beat our gums?’”

Harkness simpered. “Old-school expression. Means ‘talk a lot’.”

“Ah.”

“Anyway…” Captain Harkness said, turning on his radio once again. “Sergeant Johnson… go ahead and freestyle.”

_“Copy that.”_

\--

“Freestyle? What does that mean?” Stan whispered.

Ford shook his head. “I’m not sure… Been out of the loop too long. You’d know better than me.”

Stan thought for a second. “Well, in the music world, that means ‘improvise’.”

Ford smirked. “I didn’t know you dabbled in that sort of thing.”

“Ehehe,” he chuckled quietly. “Let’s just say I tried a lot of different things to make money during the 90s.”

“Alright you sorry bunch!” the sergeant called to his squad. “Spread out in two feet intervals, shoulder rifles, and follow my lead. Look for anything suspicious.” 

**“Yes, sir!”** the squad responded.

With that, they trained their rifles and began to slowly, but surely, make their way towards Ford and Stanley, glancing back and forth as they did.

“Uh, Ford, they’re gonna run right into us,” Stan gulped. 

Ford closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “Then we have no choice. Run towards the mountain - we’ll probably be separated, but we _should_ be able to find each other again if our trackers are working.”

“You sure? They’re gonna know someone’s here if we do.”

“Better than possibly being captured,” Ford said. “Or worse if this guy is trigger-happy.” 

“Rightio, running it is,” Stan said, before smirking slightly.  “Last one to the peak sucks eggs!” 

“Hah! Bad move, brother. I’m in better shape than I was in my 40s. You’re on!” 

With that, the two began running up the slope. 

\--

“Sir, more movement!” Corporal Wainio said, glancing at his laptop. “It ain’t just one anomaly, either - it’s two. I repeat: two anomalies moving towards the mountain. They must have been so close together they fooled the sensors.”

“Right when Sergeant Johnson moved in on them, too,” Captain Harkness said, smiling slightly. 

“I guess that rules out equipment malfunction,” Captain Carter said. “Too much of a coincidence. Now that we know we’ve got a Code Orange, should I wake up Colonel O’Neill?” 

Captain Harkness shook his head, his smile taking on an odd tone. “No, let him sleep, we can handle this.”

Captain Carter gazed at him warily. “Your funeral.”

Harkness smirked. “Heh, had a few of those before. Nothing to worry about.”

Carter did a double-take. “What?”

Captain Harkness merely shrugged.

“... Okay then.”

“Damn, they’re too deep in now - we’ve lost them,” Wainio said.

“What? How?!” another nearby private asked. 

Wainio rolled his eyes. “Do you ever pay attention during briefings? The grid’s not solid - only covers the edges of the perimeter.” 

The private blinked. “Oh, uh… I knew that.”

Wainio chuckled, before quickly putting back on a serious look and glancing towards Captain Harkness. “What now, sir?” 

“Well, if they’re using cloaking tech, it’s obviously going to be hard to find them,” he said. “Hell, it would be hard to find them in such a large area even if they weren’t cloaked.”

Captain Carter spoke up at that. “Some of our UAVs could spot them - a few have onboard active ultrasonic emitters. If our ground sensors detected them using it, so should they.”

“Good call, captain,” Harkness nodded. “But before we get those birds in the air, we need to secure our comms.”

Everyone in the room let out a moan. 

Captain Harkness rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know changing encryption codes is a pain in the ass, but them having the drop on us has caused enough problems already. Snap your caps, fellas!” 

The group gave him another odd look. 

“No offense, sir, but that sounds like something my grandpa used to say,” Wainio chuckled.

Captain Harkness sighed, exasperated. “Just do your jobs, people.”

\--

Ford halted, panting. Having run nearly a kilometer up the mountain, he had nearly reached the limit of his surprisingly high stamina. Glancing around, he nodded to himself, sure he was alone for the most part. 

“Stanley?” he said in a moderately loud voice. “Stanley, you here?” 

No response came. 

“Damn, I knew I should have said a specific direction,” he cursed to himself. He tapped a button on his wrist-watch. “Can anyone hear me?” 

_“You’re a little *crackle* fuzzy, but we can, yo,”_ the voice of Soos responded. 

_“I’m *pant* here too,”_ Stanley’s voice chimed in. _“Sweet Jesus, I need to buy a treadmill. My legs feel like jelly.”_

“Heh, mine too,” Ford chuckled, before pausing a tick, thinking to himself. “Listen, now that I think about it, it might actually be best that we stay separated.”

_“Oh, come on, Ford, we were supposed to be doing this together,”_ Stanley moaned. 

“I know I know, I don’t like it either,” Ford sighed. “But --”

“ _Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s safer this way.”_

“Exactly,” Ford smiled, before glancing at the near-twilight skies. “It’s going to be dark soon, so let’s take advantage of it. You sweep the western side of the mountain, I’ll sweep the east. Keep your cloak battery saved unless you really need it and gather as much intel as you can. We need to find out what the military’s up to and where exactly they’re keeping the monsters slash kid.”

“ _We might have an idea on that,”_ Arnold’s voice responded. 

“Oh?”

“ _Yeah, we’ve been trying to listen to as many of their chats as possible.”_

_“Until they went friggin’ radio silent a second ago,”_ Helga’s voice grumbled.

Ford narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Radio silent, huh?”

_“Yuh huh, right after you *crackle* guys started running.”_

_“They’re definitely onto us then,”_ Stanley radio’d. 

“Might have just been a precaution, we don’t know,” Ford said firmly. “Still, what did you learn from them?”

_“There’s a group of monsters, or uh, BTs as they’re *crackle* calling them for some weird reason, being kept on the mountain somewhere. Problem is the mountain and its national park are like 400 square miles, so we uh, don’t exactly know where,”_ Wendy said. 

“We can narrow it down,” Ford said. “For instance, they must be kept somewhere secure. Perhaps a make-shift prison of some sort out of one of the park buildings.”

_“Not exactly - they’re letting them walk around as long as they don’t try to leave the area.”_

Ford blinked in surprise. “Oddly lenient for Captain Harkness. Have you heard anything about the kid?”

_“Nuh uh - no talk about her.”_

“The military might be housing her, then,” Ford pondered. “Alright, since we know the monsters are here, we need to try to make contact. Make sure you’re recording everything picked up on our camera vests.”

_“You wanna try to make a documentary or something?”_ Soos said. 

“Depends on the nature of these creatures, and more importantly, what the military plans on doing with them,” Ford said. “Their commanding officer seems reasonable, and they seem to be playing nice now, but as I’ve said, Captain Harkness is a ruthless individual when he wants to be, as well as persuasive. There’s no telling what steps he might take to keep all of this a secret.” 

_“Would anyone even believe video recordings though?”_ Stanley said. 

“ _You’re_ asking _me_ this?” Ford laughed.

“ _Hey, I know Gravity Falls might be full of gullible idiots--”_

_“_ **_Hey!_ ** _”_ Wendy and Soos protested. 

_“*Mostly* full of gullible idiots, but the public’s just gonna think it’s some sort of experimental CGI film.”_

“There’s a lot of variables at play,” Ford said. “I’m not sure. We’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Anyway--”

Suddenly, Ford stopped, a peculiar buzzing sound entering his ears coming from above the nearby trees. 

_“Ford, you okay?”_ Stanley asked.

“Standby,” Ford replied. A split-second after he spoke, he saw it: the silhouette of a low-flying UAV beginning to circle overhead. “Uh oh.” 

_“Shoot, I see them, too - they’ve got predator drones in the air!”_

“Keep calm,” Ford said cooly. “We don’t know what kind of tech they have onboard those things.”

As if responding to him, the nearby drone began to tighten its circle. It was now right above Ford, growing lower and lower. 

“Need to go radio silent for a few minutes,” Ford said. “Just, uh… a precaution.”

\--

“Drone F’s just detected some movement, sir,” Corporal Wainio called from his post. “Moving it closer for inspection.”

“Nice,” Captain Harkness smiled. “Keep track of the target and signal the nearest squad to move to that location.”

\--

“Yeah, it definitely knows I’m here,” Ford gulped. He glanced at his wrist-watch, the indicator for his cloak battery reading, _‘5 minutes 52 seconds’,_ and dropping. He glanced about frantically, looking for any chance at escape. As luck had it, he found it: embedded into a nearby slope of semi-solid rock was none other than a small cave. Taking a deep breath, he quickly ran towards it.

\--

“Target is on the move,” Corporal Wainio called, motioning towards the small dot on his screen. “Whoever that is, they’re screwed. Nothing’s gonna outrun a UAV.”

Captain Harkness merely raised an eyebrow, folding his arms.

\--

A second later, Ford had entered the rocky cave, once again out of breath. He quickly moved deeper into it, the light from its entrance illuminating its mossy and vine-covered walls. Though he could still hear the UAV, it was growing fainter and fainter. He moved further, only to--

“Woah!” 

\--nearly fall into what looked like a bottomless pit. 

\--

“The hell? Target’s disappeared,” Wainio growled, clicking a few buttons to bring up the normal camera view of his UAV, as well as turning on its search-light. A small cave entrance could barely be seen on his screen. “Huh …”

“The target must have entered that cave,” Captain Carter noted. “Ultrasonic waves won’t penetrate solid rock.” 

“Keep the UAV circling the cave entrance,” Harkness nodded. “In all likelihood, he’s trapped.”

“How do you know it’s a he?” Captain Carter said, raising her eyebrow. 

“I have a gut feeling it might be Ford or Stan Pines,” he said, before turning on his radio. “Sergeant Johnson, how far are you from the target?” 

_“Almost there - looks like there’s some sort of cave ahead.”_

“That was quick,” Harkness said, clearly impressed. 

_“If there’s one thing my squad can do, it’s haul ass.”_

“Copy that. Target’s likely inside the cave,” Captain Harkness said. “Remember, target is likely cloaked. I know it’s a tall order, but don’t use lethal force unless absolutely necessary. I can’t question a bodybag.” 

_“Don’t worry. I ain’t about to shoot a civvy if I don’t gotta, Captain.”_

\--

Ford’s ears perked up. He could now hear voices at the entrance of the cave. 

“Form up - straight, horizontal line at the entrance. We’re gonna walk in wall to wall. Don’t matter if we’re dealing with the Invisible Man or a ghost, they ain’t leaving this cave.”

Ford gulped, gazing at the battery power of his cloak. _‘1 minute, 25 seconds’._ Once again, he found himself frantically gazing about for an escape route, yet there were only two ways to go: down the unending pit or out the way he came. A second later, the beams of flashlights came from the latter. Then, he saw them, the same squad of five soldiers he had encountered earlier walking in a line from wall to wall. If there was a way through them, he couldn’t see it. 

With no other options, Ford quickly drew a winded grapple-hook from under his cloak, anchored it to a nearby boulder, and then--

“Once again into the unknown.”

\--Quickly began rappelling into the depths.

“Hold up! Look there!” one of the soldiers, Jenkins, cried. 

After Ford moved only a few feet away from the hook, it became visible, then the rope itself. 

“Careful!” Sergeant Johnson barked, holding up a hand. “Slow approach.”

They took a few more steps, and then saw it: the hole that seemed to extend to the other side of the world. Johnson shined his weapon-mounted light down it, but even its powerful rays couldn’t penetrate the darkness too far. The rope itself streamed down the side of the hole, swaying and making a sound as if someone was tugging it, though that someone still couldn’t be seen.

“Crap,” Sergeant Johnson growled, before switching on his radio. “Captain. We definitely got someone here, but we’ve also found something else: there’s a bigass hole in this cave floor. Could be who knows how deep. The target’s rappelling down it as we speak.”

\--

Captain Harkness’s eyes widened, as did Dr. Daniel Jackson’s, who had just entered the room a minute ago.

“T-That’s got to be it!” Daniel said, nearly choking on his words. “One of the entrances to the Underground.”

“I thought we were calling it Underland?” Captain Carter said. 

“Eh, Underground’s easier to remember,” one of the nearby soldiers said.

“Seriously?” Captain Harkness moaned. “Eyes on the prize, folks.” He toggled on his radio. “Sergeant, hold your position. Do _not_ attempt to follow the target down there.”

_“Wasn’t planning on it, Cap’n. We’re just gonna pull whoever this is up.”_

\--

“Everyone ready?” Sergeant Johnson said, glancing at his squad (minus one, who kept his weapon trained on the hole) as they each grabbed a portion of the rope, preparing to pull it. “Heave ho!” 

With all their effort, they began to pull, and with that, the rope quickly began to retract. 

\--

A couple hundred meters down it, Ford gasped, feeling himself now being pulled up. Thinking quickly, he grabbed a match from one of his vest pockets, ripped off a small part of his shirt, and ignited it, creating a quick-burning torch. He then threw it downward, carefully watching how far it was falling. To his surprise (and relief), it only fell thirty or so feet before coming to rest on a patch of flowers, extinguishing quietly in the moist air below. 

With that, he softened his grip on the rope, putting himself into a near freefall and, most importantly, faster than the rope was being pulled up. A few seconds later, he reached the surface and let go of the rope. It quickly sped upwards, disappearing from view in a matter of seconds. 

With a few rapid finger movements, Ford disabled his cloak and toggled on his watch’s (surprisingly powerful) built in flashlight, hoping the soldiers above wouldn’t be able to see it too easily. To his shock, he found himself flanked by four, large pillars, similar to Greek in style but with their own unique flavor he had never seen before. Despite their decay, Ford couldn’t help but marvel at the craftsmanship. 

Then came the biggest surprise at all: a jovial, yet strangely sinister voice emanating from behind him. One that sent shivers down even the seasoned traveler's spine.

...

**“Why howdy, friend!”**

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! If you're enjoying this fic and want to see what the monsters have been doing while all this craziness is going on, check out the small slice of life side story I wrote, Family. If you've been reading this for a while now, you should check out the intro and outro for previous chapters, as I've added a few things here or there. Nothing major or necessary to read, just hints on what's to come.
> 
> Expect the next chapter to be out soon.


	8. Best Kept Secrets (Part II)

Ford slowly turned about, shining his flashlight on the nearby patch of flowers where the voice had come from. Nothing seemed too unusual about them. However, it wasn’t long before --’

“Heh, well now. You’ve been around the block before too, haven’t you?”

The voice came, once again, from behind him. This time, he didn’t hesitate and twirled about. To his surprise, nothing was directly in front of him. However, as he peered downward, he saw it: a flower with eyes and a mouth, the latter of which smiled up at him. 

Ford narrowed his eyes, his long history of dealing with the supernatural quickly dulling his shock. “Uh… hello?”

“And he speaks!” the flower chuckled. “Allow me to introduce myself: name’s Flowey, Flowey the flower.”

Ford nodded slightly. “Well, that’s easy enough to remember..”

“Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” the flower said. “And who might you be?” 

“Stanford Pines,” he said, kneeling down to the flower’s level. “Erm, explorer.”

To his surprise, a vine immediately shot up from the ground near the base of the flower, folding itself in a way where it looked like it wanted to be shaked. 

The flower smirked ever so slightly. “Well, don’t be shy. Put her there, ‘Ford the Explorer’.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ford lightly gripped the vine and shook. It then retracted into the ground.

“Pardon my hesitation,” Ford said. “I knew your people could take many forms, but I wasn’t expecting, well …”

“A talking flower?” it said. 

“Exactly.”

The flower giggled. “If you think I look weird, you should see some of the other freaks that hang around this place. There’s this one guy, Jerry… well, describing him wouldn’t do it justice.”

Ford furrowed his brow. “I’d certainly be interested in meeting him as well.”

“Would you now?” The flower put on a strange grin. “You know, you’re different from the others that have stumbled down here - and there’s been quite a few lately, too.”

“How so?”

The grin widened. “Well, for one thing, you seemed to know about us ahead of time. Did Frisk and her dumb friends spill the beans? Is that how you know?”

Ford raised his eyebrows. “You know Frisk?”

“ _ Know _ Frisk?” Flowey chuckled. “I’m Frisk’s bestest pal! Oh, the _ fun _ times we had down here,  _ time  _ and  _ time  _ and  _ time  _ again. Don’t leave me in suspense, though: how is she doing nowadays?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Ford blinked.

The flower gave him a peculiar look. “Friend, nobody down here has heard a peep from Frisk or those idiots who went with her to the surface for weeks now.”

Ford raised his eyebrows at the word ‘idiots’, but nonetheless, chose to shrug it off. 

Flowey continued, “Now, I’m not the… most sociable type, but from what I understand, they were supposed to come back after they made sure it was safe for everyone else to come out.”

Ford slowly nodded. “I see…”

“Let me guess, though,” Flowey said, grinning once again. “They decided to run off and do their own thing while leaving the rest of us to rot, right? Typical.”

Ford, again, couldn’t help but be surprised by the flower’s cynical response. And again, he decided to shrug it off.

“... No, not from what I can tell,” Ford said, glancing away from the flower, who seemed surprisingly disappointed. “I’m afraid I still don’t know the full extent of what’s going on, though.”

Flowey furrowed its ‘brow’. “Well, what  _ do _ you know?”

“I’ll tell you as much as I can,” Ford said. “But uh, first, is there a less… open place we can talk?”

“Oh?” Flowey chuckled. “Afraid of something…” He glanced upward. “Or someone?”

“It’s for your own protection as much as mine,” Ford stated bluntly.

Flowey rolled his eyes indignantly. “Bah, whatever.” It bobbed its head towards what appeared to be an entrance to a cobble-stone path. “See that arch behind you? Meet me in there.”

A second later, the flower retracted itself into the small hole it had come from, seemingly moving underground.

Ford paused for a second, before a slight, almost enthusiastic smile appeared on his face. “Why travel the multiverse when there’s still so much to discover in your own backyard.”

\--

_ “That’s right, captain, they must have either jumped or made it to the bottom,”  _ Sergeant Johnson’s voice crackled over Captain Harkness’s radio, he himself now making his way through the woods on his own..  _ “My bet is they made it. Didn’t hear no ‘plop’. Give the word and I’ll see myself just how deep this rabbit hole goes.” _

“Negative, sergeant, stay put,” Captain Harkness said sternly. 

_ “Longer we wait, the more likely we’ll lose him down there. If everything we’ve thought up is right, the tunnel system is massive.” _

“We’re not giving up the chase,” the captain said. “However, I don’t want to endanger anyone who doesn’t have the proper… experience dealing with these types of things.”

_ “With all due respect, we’ve all got plenty of experience dealing with BTs already.” _

“This isn’t a debate, sergeant,” Captain Harkness said. “Besides, I need you and your team topside assisting the search for the other contact in a sec. For now, though, wait for me at your position. I don’t think either is going to go too far.”

\--

”Ford?” Stan spoke into his wrist ‘watch’s’ built in radio. He stood on a small dirt path as night skies began to loom overhead. “Olly olly oxen-free? I know you said you were keeping down, but it’s been ten minutes. Everything alright?” 

_ “Yo Mr. Pines, I don’t think he can hear you.” _

Stan rolled his eyes. “And how do you know that, Soos?”

“ _ Cus his cameras are shut off, too.” _

“And you’re letting me know this  _ now?!”  _ Ford growled. 

_ “We thought he might have done it on purpose,”  _ Arnold replied. 

_ “Pffft, I told you,”  _ Helga grunted.  _ “It was the cave.” _

“Cave?” Ford said, raising his eyebrows. “What cave?”

_ “After he shut off his radio, he started booking it towards this cave,”  _ Gerald explained.  _ “His sound and video went out like right after he went inside. _ ”

_ “Certain elements of Mt. Ebbot’s mineral composition can easily block radio and other types of signals.”  _ Phoebe explained.  _ “Only something as powerful as the types the military use could possibly get through.” _

“Thanks for the science lesson, kid,” Ford said sarcastically, before taking a deep breath. “Eh, I shouldn’t be worrying too much, though. Ford’s handled a lot worse before. As for me ...”

Just then, his watch began to blink red. Suddenly, the strange ripple effect that came along with his cloak vanished. At that moment, he knew he was visible again. 

“Whelp, I might be kind of screwed.” 

_ “We’ll figure something out,”  _ Arnold responded.

_ “Maybe just hang out there for a sec?”  _ Wendy suggested. 

Ford sighed. “Look, don’t you dare tell Ford this, but I need to find him. He’s the one leading the charge on this whole thing. He’ll know what to doooooooo--”

He suddenly paused, his mouth gaping open every so slightly.

“ _ Uh, Mr. Pines, did you just have a stroke or something?”  _

Stan didn’t respond. Instead, he merely stared ahead, wide-eyed. For coming around a nearby bend in the path were none other than a couple of …

_ “ _ spooky scary skeletons, send shivers down your spine. shrieking skulls will shock your souls, seal your--”

“ALRIGHT, YOU CAN STOP SINGING IT NOW, SANS! I’VE ALREADY DECIDED I HATE IT!”

“sorry, Paps, kind of got it stuck in my head.”

“SO YOU DECIDED TO INFECT ME WITH IT?!”

“don’t blame me, blame whoever wrote it. also, whatever human decided to leave the CD in our cabin.”

“THEY MERELY STARTED THE FIRE, YOU’RE SPREADING IT!” 

The two skeletons suddenly stopped, staring ahead at Stan. Though the full moon above didn’t provide much light, it was more than enough for the three to see each other clearly.

“AND NOW YOU’VE GOT IT STUCK IN THIS NEW HUMAN FRIEND’S HEAD, TOO!” Papyrus moaned. “NOT THE BEST WAY TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES!”

\--

Nearly a half-mile away inside Ford’s expedition vehicle, Arnold and company gazed at the image from Stan’s body cam, wide-eyed.

“Hah!” Helga said, a smirk forming on her face. “‘Volcanic gasses’, my ass!”

“Well I’ll be damned,” Gerald said, chuckling to himself. “Here I was starting to think I was nuts for going along with all of this.”

“Yo, and were they just singing the Spooky Scary Skeletons song?” Soos said, apparently not phased at all. “Cus I friggin’ love that meme!” Suddenly, he began to sing, “Spooky scary skeletons, send shi--” 

He was quickly forced tos top as Wendy slapped her hand across his mouth. “No, never again.” 

Soos, unabated, continued to hum the tune under his muffled breath.

“Ugh, damn you, Soos!”

_ “Uh, kids, little lost here… anything I should say to the walking, talking Halloween decorations?”  _ Stan whispered over the radio. 

“You come in peace?” Arnold suggested.

“Take me to your leader?” Helga said. 

“How is your existence scientifically possible?”

The group gave Phoebe an odd look. 

“... Maybe later.”

Gerald rolled his eyes. “Uh, how about starting with a ‘hello’?”

\--

Stan shrugged. “Whelp, I’ve got nothing else.” With that, he put on his best attempt at a friendly smile and waved at the two monsters. “Hiya there, freaks!” 

The monsters gave him an odd look ...

\--

… And everyone in the expedition vehicle facepalmed. 

“Mr. Pines!” Wendy moaned. “Can’t you for once  _ not  _ speak your mind?” 

_ “What?! They’re freaks!”  _

“And what’s wrong with speaking your mind?” Helga said, folding her arms. 

“With Mr. Pines, that’s not the best idea,” Wendy said. “His mind is uh… a bit different.”

_ “I heard that!”  _ the radio growled. “ _ If I was still your boss, you’d totally be cleaning the supply closet for that one you little smart-alec. Fortunately for you, Soos signs the paychecks now.” _

“Power has yet to corrupt me,” Soos said, nodding to himself.

“Maybe just… try being a little nicer with them?” Arnold suggested.

\--

Stan sighed. “Ugh, fine, but only because they might be innocent victims of an overly paranoid military! I can relate with that.” He glanced back at the monsters. “So, how’s about we start again? Hi there, I’m Stan Pines, but you can call me Mr. Free Lunch.” He lowered his voice slightly and winked. “I’ll totally cut you 5% of the book sales when I get done writing about all this. Just give me a few exclusive interviews, alright?”

Papyrus brought a bony hand to his mouth, ‘whispering’ to his brother, “SANS, THIS HUMAN IS CONFUSING ME.”

“me too, Paps,” Sans said, nodding to himself. “me, too.”

Papyrus tapped his chin. “HOWEVER, I AM SUPPOSED TO BE THE MONSTER’S OFFICIAL MASCOT, SO LET’S GET TO THE MASCOTTING!” 

With that, he started walking towards Stan, extending his hand forward. 

“GREETINGS, STAN PINES, I AM KNOWN AS THE GREAT PAPYRUS - OFFICIAL ASSISTANT OF AMBASSADOR FRISK OF THE MONSTER KINGDOM!” 

Stan shrugged stepping forward. “Whelp, can’t say this is the weirdest thing that’s ever happened to me.” He then shook the skeleton’s hand, not even flinching. “Nice to meet you, surprisingly loud-voiced skeleton guy.”

\--

“Eeeeee!” Phoebe cooed. “This is so fascinating!” 

“ _ And  _ he’s not freaking out like we did,” Gerald said, smirking, and gaining a bemused look from Wendy and Soos.

“H-Hey, speak for yourself!” Helga said, folding her arms. “I was solid as a rock!” 

Arnold smiled at her. “It’s okay - we were all a little freaked out.”

_ “Arnold!”  _ she whined. “You’re embarrassing me in front of the country people!” 

\--

“guessing you’re not with the military, huh?” Sans said. 

“Pffft? Me? Military?” Stan cackled. “Even if I wasn’t almost a skeleton myself, they’d kick me out the first day of boot camp. Never was good at the whole ‘following orders’ thing.”

_ “Hey, ask them how the military’s been treating them,”  _ Arnold’s voice crackled over the radio.  _ “Also, if Frisk is still there.” _

“WAIT, I KNOW THAT VOICE!” Papyrus said, excited. “IT’S ONE OF THOSE NICE BUNCH OF HUMANS WE MET EARLIER!” 

“oh yeah, the human with the funny-shaped head,” Sans nodded. “no offense, if you’re listening.”

_ “Hey, only I’m allowed to talk about his football head!”  _ another voice growled.

“AND IT’S THE BLUNT HUMAN, TOO!” 

“Alright, alright, simmer down everyone,” Stan said, before glancing back at the monsters. “Look, normally I don’t do the whole goody goody thing, but those kids you met? They were worried sick about you. So they tracked down that kid you were with, uh, Frisk’s hometown, they met up with my nerdy brother, and now we’re here to, uh… do unofficial humanitarian work, I guess. Or should I say skeletarian? Hah!” 

Sans couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “not all of us are skeletons,  _ bonely  _ me and my brother for the most part.” 

“Well punned,” Stan said, nodding in respect. “Unfortunately, I’m in a bit of trouble myself now - things didn’t really go as planned, sooo maybe we can help each other out? You got anywhere more private we can talk? And with food? I mean, at this point I’ll settle for one or the other.”

Papyrus thought to himself for a second, before smiling. “I THINK ASGORE WOULD WANT TO MEET YOU ANYWAY.”

“Who-gore?” 

“the head honcho of us monsters,” Sans said. 

“Oh, that’s right,” Stan said, before grinning slightly. “A meeting with royalty, huh? Can’t pass that up. Well, what are you waiting for? Lead the way!” 

The skeletons nodded, and soon began to lead Stan to their small group of cabins. 

\--

“Sergeant?” Captain Harkness called, entering the cave and meeting with Sergeant Johnson’s squad. “How’s it hanging?” 

“No movement, Cap’n,” he said, a slightly annoyed look on his face. “Wish we were  _ hanging _ down the rope, though. Never really liked sitting around.” 

The captain shook his head. “I’m sorry, sergeant, but this is something I should handle… alone.” 

The gruff soldier gave him a look, before regaining his composure slightly. “You sure about this? We still don’t know much about the Underground.”

“Save for that it’s underground,” Jenkins joked nearby.

Johnson gave him a piercing glare, to which he smiled innocently at.

Another soldier, a British-Iranian medic chuckled. “Sarge is totally gonna shoot you this time.”

“Totally worth it, Martha.”

Captain Harkness furrowed his brow, gazing at the medic as if he had seen a ghost. “Sorry, but have we… have we met before?” 

She gazed at him curiously as well. “Depends. Ever work with UNIT before?” 

Captain Harkness shook his head. “They’re a bit too… orthodox for my tastes.”

“Bleh, forget UNIT, anyway, USOS all the way!” Jenkins cheered. “U-S-O-S, U-S-O-S!” 

“The world’s paranormal intelligence agencies’ finest, ladies and gents,” Johnson groaned. “Maybe it’s best you go alone after all. I’m just surprised Colonel O’Neill approved it.”

“I can be very persuasive when I want to be,” Harkness winked. 

“Not gonna ask,” the sergeant said, shaking his head in near exasperation. 

Jenkins leaned towards Martha. “I told you, anything that moves with him,” he whispered.

Martha gazed at the captain with fascination. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Anywho, anything I should know before I hop down there?” Harkness said, taking hold of Ford’s rope and re-securing the grapple. 

“All we know is that you’re gonna be out of contact with us,” Sergeant Johnson said. “Radio’s been flakey enough already.” 

“Whelp, well enough alone, I suppose,” Captain Harkness said, before giving the sergeant a respectful nod. “Good luck with your search, sergeant.” 

“Yours, too, cap’n,” he nodded in return. “Be careful.”

“Heh, used to be,” he said whimsically. “But that was a long time ago.” He then paused, thinking to himself. “I feel like I’m forgetting something, though …” He then snapped his fingers, before turning on his radio. “Agent Powers? Trigger?” 

“ _ Sir?” _

“I’m about to take a trip underground. I’m probably going to be out of radio contact, but I have one last order before I am: I want you to capture anyone inside or near the Pines’ expedition vehicle and bring them to HQ.”

The group gazed at him in near-shock.

_ “We would certainly like to, but that goes against Colonel O’Neill’s standing orders …” _

Jack narrowed his eyes. “The situation’s changed, Agent Powers. There’s reason to believe the individuals in question are assisting the infiltrators we’ve been trying to track. Trust me, the colonel will appreciate it.”

_ “I think you’re right, captain, but I’d really like to hear an okay from him first.” _

Harkness smiled. “He’s sleeping at the moment, but if you want someone to wake him up …”

A beat.

“ _ Negative. We’ll go ahead and take care of it. Powers out.” _

Harkness quickly turned the radio off with a satisfying crackle.

Sergeant Johnson narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said Colonel O’Neill gave you approval for your lone wolf stunt? How could he do that if he’s getting his eight hours?” 

Harkness grinned. “Whelp, I told him, ‘If it’s okay to go to the Underground on my own, just keep sleeping’, and he did, so that’s good enough approval for me!” 

Jenkins nearly laughed. “Seriously?!” 

“Bloody hell,” Martha sighed. 

“Jesus Christ,  if you go through with this, you are in some deep shit when he wakes up, Captain,” Sergeant Johnson said. 

The captain merely chuckled. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said. “Let me just say this: as crazy as things already are, there’s still more going on than meets the eye, and I’m going to find out what.” He gave a cheeky salute. “So, with everything out of the way, I’ll be seein’ ya’. Geronimo!” 

Without even gripping the rope too tightly, he quickly hopped down the hole, leaving the baffled group of soldiers behind. Sergeant Johnson closed his eyes, pulling out yet another one of his cigars. “We gotta get the Colonel up. Captain Harkness has practically gone rogue.” 

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

...

“ _ You really think he’ll be able to find anything, Doc?” _

_ “Only if he doesn’t let his silly crusade get in the way.” _

_ “And if it does?” _

_ “Then we’ll have to find a way in ourselves -- rather not risk it, though. Space-time’s already wibbly wobbly enough these days.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention this before, but if you, my good reader, would like to see me add on fandoms (or characters from fandoms via transplant/cameo) to this ball of madness, feel free to leave a comment below. If I know a thing or two about the fandom, I'd be happy for the challenge.


	9. Best Kept Secrets (Part III)

_“_ _Oh, here we go. Another scientist. General, please.”_

_“Theoretical astrophysicist.”_

_“Which means?”_

_“Which means Major Carter is smarter than you are, Colonel. Especially in matters related to the Stargate.”_

_*****_

_“_ _"Are you considering the same tactic as I?"_

_“"Teal'c, the cliche is, 'Are you thinking what I'm thinking?' And the answer is yes."_

_*****_

_“Okay… put yourself in my shoes and me in yours, Daniel.”_

_“You'd be here for me.”_

_“Damn straight! I'd have busted you out, blown this rat hole to hell and made sure that son-of-a-bitch suffered!”_

_“You're a better man than that!”_

**_“That's where you're wrong!”_ **

_\--_

With beads of sweat dripping down his face, Colonel O’Neill awoke with a gasp in his small, make-shift quarters. He glanced about, blinking rapidly, before taking a deep breath. Then, a millisecond later, a knock came from his door. 

“Colonel?” called Captain Carter. 

“One second,” he moaned, rubbing his temples. A second later, he was out of bed and clumsily putting on his overalls. Finally, he opened the door to his quarters, meeting Captain Carter’s somewhat distraught face. 

“Mmmm, if this is about the room service I ordered, forget it,” Colonel O’Neill joked. “Food’s probably cold by now.”

Captain Carter raised an eyebrow, looking him over, in particular the top part of his overalls. “Sir, you uh… missed a button,” she pointed out. 

O’Neill glanced down. Naturally, she was right. He quickly fastened it. “Ugh, on a scale from one to ten, how crappy do I look?” 

“No worse than the rest of us, sir,” she said, her voice slightly tense. 

“So about a six then,” O’Neil said, a distant look on him. “Eh, I’ve been worse. Still, I’ve got to lay off the coffee before bed.”

“Weird dreams?” Captain Carter asked. 

O’Neill nodded. “Yep, and if I told you how weird they’d make me see a shrink.” He then composed himself slightly. “Ah well - who has time for sleep anymore, anyway? What’s going on?”

“It’s Captain Harkness,” she said. 

O’Neill raised his eyebrows. “Oh? Problems with our man of mystery?”

She slowly nodded, a serious look overtaking her face. “Multiple.”

\--

With a slight ‘plop’, Captain Harkness landed at the bottom of the cavern, quickly assessing the area with his night vision goggles. Not too surprised, he quickly noticed the place wasn’t completely dark - a source of light was shining brightly from behind a moderately large, stone archway. He smiled slightly to himself, stowing his goggles and making his way, quietly, to it. It wasn’t long before he heard voices: one he recognized as Ford’s and another that was unknown.

_‘Here we go again, Ford’,_ the captain chuckled. _‘Here we go again’._

\--

“So, you think the human military is keeping them somewhere?” Flowey said, disdain clearly lacing his tone. “Bleh. The more I learn about other _humans,_ the more I think Chara was right about them.”

“Chara?” Ford asked. 

“Old ‘friend’, long story,” Flowey said whimsically. “I guess it serves those idiots right, though. Did they seriously think they could just waltz out of here and say to the human race, ‘Oh hi, I know you guys mistrust anything you don’t understand and all, but we’re hoping you could put all that aside and get along with our lovable misfit selves, pretty please? By the way, no hard feelings for locking us underground and all. BFFs?” 

“Frisk didn’t seem to have a hard time accepting you,” Ford stated. 

“ _Frisk_ was different,” Flowey hissed. “An idiot, but a… a… _good_ idiot.” 

“I see,” Ford said, nodding. 

“No you _don’t_ see,” Flowey grumbled, turning away from him and folding two vines like a pair of arms. “What could you _possibly_ know about all of this?”

“Well, I’m human for one thing,” Ford said. “And one who has a bit of experience dealing with, um, let’s just say, unusual creatures.” 

“And how did _you_ react to all of it?” Flowey asked.

“With a little fear,” Ford said, before raising a finger. “But also curiosity and rationality. Look, humans are the way they are for good reason. If we didn’t evolve to be afraid of the bumps in the night we would never had made it this far. We would have ended up in some predator’s belly. However, if we didn’t learn to explore the world around us and demystify it, so to speak, we also wouldn’t be where we are. It’s a balancing act - and one that tips either way in different people.”

“But those ‘unusual creatures’ you’ve met,” Flowey mumbled. “You can’t say none of them weren’t _actually_ pretty scary.”

“Oh believe me,” Ford laughed. “I’ve meant plenty who we’d be right to be afraid of, but I’ve also met others who were virtually harmless.” Ford then smiled brightly. “And I believe you fall into the latter category.”

“Yeah yeah, well good on you for being so tolerant,” Flowey mumbled. “What do you want, a medal or something?”

Ford laughed again, this time sardonically. “It isn’t just me, it’s all humans that are like this, give or take a few.” 

“And that’s where you’re wrong, Ford,” a familiar voice said, causing Ford to wince. “Dangerously wrong.” 

Slowly, Ford turned towards the archway where it had come from. There, leaning on one of them, was a smiling Captain Jack Harkness. 

Flowey cackled. “Two humans coming down here in one day? This is a new record.” He then gazed over Captain Harkness again, before grinning wickedly. “Ohhhh - though you’re not completely human, are you?”

“Oh, he’s human,” Ford said, narrowing his eyes. 

“Seriously?” Flowey chuckled. “You think this… this _thing_ is human? Look at his soul! It’s a jumbled mess.”

Ford raised his eyebrows. “‘Look’ at his soul. What do you mean?”

Flowey scratched his head with a vine, before ‘snapping’ it like a pair of fingers. “Oh, that’s right, I forgot most humans couldn’t do that.”

“Do what?” Ford asked.

“And here I thought you were smart,” Flowey groaned. “I’m talking about _reading_ souls, duh.” 

Ford raised an eyebrow. “You’re saying monsters can _read_ souls?”

“You got it,” Flowey winked. “Just by looking at one of you ugly apes, we can, more or less, tell what kind of person you are, and maaaan you’re even more complicated than six fingers here.” He pointed at Ford with a vine.

“What do you mean by that?” Ford asked. 

“Kind of hard to describe,” Flowey said, bobbing his head back and forth. “It’s kind of like … kind of like he’s got a million copies of the same soul within him… ooooh, and some ghostly ones, too. I’ve never seen anything like it.” 

“How come your friends never said anything about it?” Harkness asked. 

Flowey smirked. “Maybe they just wanted to be polite.”

"Or didn't want to show their entire bag of tricks," Ford stated. "Can't blame them."

“Those idiots not showing their hand?” Flowey chuckled. “Yeah right.” Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he licked his lips. “All I can say about it is… it’s very tempting.”

“Tempting to do what?” Captain Harkness said skeptically. 

“Oh, nothing,” Flowey said, smiling innocently. “Let’s just say you should be glad you weren’t here a month ago.”

“See, Ford,” Captain Harkness said, turning to him exasperated. “This is why _my_ way is better. After that little episode in Gravity Falls you should know that by now: what you don’t know _might_ just kill you.”

“You know about that, huh?” Ford said, folding his arms.

“You wipe a whole group of people’s memories so sloppily and people are gonna take notice,” Harkness stated bluntly. “I did, and so did people much higher on the ladder.”

Ford smirked slightly. “The Foundation? I’m flattered.” 

“You shouldn’t be,” Harkness said. “You’re playing with more than fire - more like an inferno.”

“Isn’t an inferno made of fire?” Flowey said, raising his ‘eyebrows’. “You really like playing up the melodrama, don’tcha, soup-soul?”

“I’d get pretty bored otherwise,” Jack shrugged. “But I meant it - you gotta stop with this crap. Either play by their rules or get out of the game. Also, _soup-soul?_ That’s a first.” 

“Alright, captain, can we please skip this part?” Ford sighed. “You save me the secret agent talk and ‘the ends justify the means’ speech and I’ll save you the whole ‘we can be much better than that if we just think outside the box’, thing. Unlike you, I don’t have all the time in the world.” 

“Alright, my turn: what the hell does _that_ mean?” Flowey asked. 

“Spoilers,” Captain Jack winked. 

Flowey gave him a blank look. 

Jack shrugged. “Had a friend who used to like to say that. Liked to play up the whole ‘person of mystery’ thing even more than me, but damn did she have a nice--”

“Yeah, don’t finish that,” Ford moaned. 

“Sorry,” Jack said, smiling innocently. “Now then, do you and want to get this show on the road or what?”

“What show?” Ford said. “If you’re planning on arresting me, I won’t make it easy for you.”

“Maybe later,” Jack said. “But for now, I could actually use both of your help.”

Both Ford and Flowey gave a curt laugh. 

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” Ford said. “I don’t know what you’re doing down here, but it _can’t_ be good.”

“And I can barely even look at you without wanting to puke,” Flowey proclaimed. “Your soul is just so… so _wrong …_ And that’s coming from _me_!”

“Why would it be odd coming from you?” Ford questioned.

“Spoiiiilers!” Flowey said in a sing-song tone, before glancing back at Jack. “See how annoying that is? That’s what you sound like. Right there.”

Jack shrugged. “Suit yourself, though don’t blame me if something happens to your friends.”

Ford narrowed his eyes. “What are you blabbering about now?”

“I know you had outside help getting in here, Ford,” Jack said. “And as of this moment, they’re being taken into custody.”

“You’re bluffing!” Ford snapped. “Your commanding officer--”

“Changed his mind,” Jack said, before turning to Flowey. “And _your_ friends have been in our care for weeks now.”

Flowey cackled once again, though with a hint of falseness in it. “Who said anything about them being my _friends_?” 

“Maybe not the rest of them,” Jack said. “But you care about Frisk, don’t you?”

Flowey gazed at him skeptically. “Why would you hurt Frisk? She’s more human than _you_ are!” 

“I wouldn’t,” Jack said. “Neither would Colonel O’Neill, to be honest. Right now, she and her friends enjoying fresh mountain air right above our feet as the United States’s… guests. However, things will be changing soon.” He turned to Flowey. “You said _most_ humans couldn’t read souls, right? But Frisk is the exception, isn’t she? The Foundation would be very interested in her …”

“They wouldn’t,” Ford growled.

“The Foundation doesn’t care about that,” Jack stated. “They wouldn’t see a kid, they’d see an anomaly.”

“And _what_ would they do to an _anomaly?”_ Flowey hissed. 

“Secure. Contain. Protect,” Jack stated. “Mostly… secure. Keep her locked away while trying to figure out what makes her tick. Tried to do the same with me, but… well, I’ve proven myself to be too useful. Not to mention, I happen to agree with them… to an extent.”

“You wouldn’t let them do that, though,” Ford said, gazing at Jack skeptically. “Even you aren’t that far gone.”

Jack gazed away from him, before nodding. “No… no I wouldn’t. In fact, I’ve got a friend who could help keep her out of harm’s way if it came to that. However, I need to do what I _really_ came here to do before I can deal with that.”

“What’s that?” Flowey hissed. “Round up the rest of us to be _‘secured’.”_

Jack nodded his head back and forth. “Not the plan _at the moment_. The powers that be just want to seal you all underneath the mountain again. You wouldn’t be free, but at least the Foundation wouldn’t be able to mess with you. However, the monsters, Frisk, all of that is secondary. I’ve got bigger fish to fry.”

“Quit dancing in circles already,” Ford sighed.

“Remember that friend I talked about?” Jack said. “We’re a bit… estranged, but nonetheless, he asked me to do him a favor. Once you hear what it is, I bet you’ll be onboard.” Jack then smirked. “We’re going to find out what’s wrong with space time - why a bunch of universes just merged together - and what it has to do with what happened here.”

  
  
  



End file.
